My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

So I start back at school in like two weeks. This time is always very hard for me, no matter how old I get or no matter how mature I think I am. Just the prospect of it fills me with this ineffable dread and anxiety. Its like being pushed into a gas chamber. Ok, not really that but something along those lines. And I'm supposed to be a mature, wise, calm, eighteen year old....lady. I thought I would be able to shake off this childish fear by now! But obviously no, I haven't. During the school days I'm pretty successful in keeping my hatred for schools and formal education system at bay. But in holidays with nothing to do, all the laziness, sleepless nights, power fluctuation, floods, unbearable heat, moths, frogs and tadpoles etc i just can't humanly stop myself from harbouring my....'disapproval'. So it grows by the minute. Waking up early, meeting so many people in a single day, dealing with bench (and not common room because I'm hardly ever there) politics drives me to attempted suicide. The fact that I go through this twice every year, would be relevant and I'm hoping this time again I forget about it just as quickly as it started. If only I could just forget school and be an intelligent illiterate all my life...

School Survival

Nobel Prize Winners Hate School

I Really Hate School

posted by Niqabi at 1:03 AM | 0 caw-ments

Friday, July 29, 2005

Another blogger.

For keeping up a promise that I had with my younger brother, I'm posting his URL here.


Do bless him with your presence. He craves it.

posted by Niqabi at 8:26 AM | 3 caw-ments

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Some are going through blue optimism, some are content with their lives, some are delirious with happiness, some are apprehensive about their future, some are haunted by the past, some are tending their wounded hearts, some are worried about the world and some just want to get married quick. Surely, I'm surrounded by a myriad of people who amuse me and annoy me but most importantly they give me strength. I'm glad they're there...

Tonight I will sleep in peace.

posted by Niqabi at 7:51 AM | 2 caw-ments

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I haven't updated in quiet some time mainly because I didn't have anything to write about. For how long can I just talk about my daily routine and make it sound interesting! It gets boring, I know, I admit that. Anyway, I've been surfing ALOT and I found this interesting article on Niqabis. Read on...

Here are a few FAQs concerning Niqaab and Niqaabis

What is a Niqab? Where does it originate?

The Niqab is simply a veil that covers the wearer's face, normally leaving the eyes exposed. The ones we are talking about here are opaque and are not fashion statements! Its origins are lost in the mists of time, but it's usage grew more widespread with the expansion of Islam in the 15th and 16th Centuries.

Is veiling only to do with Islam?

We know that some Greek women and especially virtuous Roman women veiled their faces in public. And the same is true of the Persian Empire. So veiling as such pre-dates Islam as a form of modest concealment. But, in the three examples I have mentioned, the use of the veil was social and cultural, and had little or no religious significance.

What do you mean by the term 'Niqaabi'?

Niqaabi is just a slang term, like Hijaabi - one who wears Hijab. Or in this case, one who wears Niqab. More generally, it includes all sisters who cover their faces in public: some fully, some leaving the eyes exposed.

Are women that cover their faces different than the women that only cover their hair and not their faces?

I hope not! It is merely that our interpretation of Holy Writ differs from Sisters who do not veil themselves as we do.

Aren't we simply talking about clothing here?

Yes and No. Of course we dress differently to our sisters who do not veil their faces. But the main difference comes from the way we interpret the relevant passages from the Holy Qur'an and from Hadith. We view it as our duty to hide out faces; not for social or cultural reasons, but because it is what we believe we are told to do in the Holy Qur'an. Other sisters interpret the relevant passages from Holy Writ differently to us, so their 'clothing' will be different to that of a Niqaabi.

Is 'Hijab of the Eyes' something just done by Niqaabi and why?

Keeping one's gaze lowered is an instruction to be found in the Holy Qur'an. (Surah al Nur. 24:31) The previous verse also calls on men to do the same................... It is something that many (hopefully all) Niqaabis do but, from personal experience, it is a hard discipline to master.

I'm interested in the psyche of the one that wears the niqaab as opposed to the one that chooses not to. Do they become more religious?

I would not say that I was any more 'religious' than many of my Sisters who do not wear niqab. I do take my obligations as a muslimah seriously, but I do not think that makes me a 'better' sister than the many who chose not to veil themselves. I have non-niqaabi friends, many of whom out-strip me in piety and knowledge, and to whom I have turned for help in the past. Just wearing a niqaab and covering-up does not in any way guarantee a sister's religosity. It is what lies under the coverings that counts - what the wearer believes, how she acts, and how pure is her soul.

Do they assume a role different than the one that does not?

I would hope the role that every muslimah would aspire to would be a true servant of Almighty Allah and to eventually become a good wife and mother. So, in that, we are no different to any other well-intentioned muslimah.

Where differences do occur is in what was can NOT do. For example, I cannot go roller-blading, mountaineering or ski-ing, nor swim in public. I do not go to the theatre any more, nor to the cinema. But, for all that, I lead a full and interesting life which meets ALL my needs, both spiritual and intellectual.

Why do some muslimahs also veil their eyes?

The eyes have been described as 'the windows to the Soul' and they are very expressive. Regretfully some men see every glance by a woman as inviting, and therefore many Niqaabi conceal their eyes so as not to tempt or distract men who may see them in public.

Isn't it very hot wearing those veils and all that clothing?

The sister replied, "Ah yes, but the fires of Hell are hotter still!"

posted by Niqabi at 4:41 AM | 3 caw-ments

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Saturday, March 13, 2004


Sometimes the right choice isn't the easiest one to make,
Sometimes the right path isn't the shortest one to take,
Sometimes your conscience isn't the hardest thing to shake,
Sometimes rules aren't the most immoral things to break,
Sometimes love is not all what you covet,
Sometimes your goals aren't the ones you thought you had set,
Sometimes the right people aren't the ones you just met,
Sometimes even death doesn't make you upset,
Sometimes regretting isn't the right way to feel,
Sometimes hiding isn't the best way to conceal,
Sometimes time is not what would heal,
Sometimes dreams are as good as real,
Sometimes tears are not the most obvious way to cry,
Sometimes suicide is not the only way to die,
Sometimes being truthful is the easiest way to lie,
Sometimes defeat is just another invitation to try,
Sometimes repentance does not rectify
,Sometimes explanations do not satisfy,
Sometimes words fail to exemplify,
Sometimes you understand everything,
just not the reason why...

written by chij-bachee -i'm sorry I copied it from your blog but this kindav stuff deserves re-publishing!

This is the BEST poem I'v ever read. Its true that I'm not a very well read person as far as poetry is concerned but still!!

posted by Niqabi at 11:24 AM | 4 caw-ments

Monday, July 18, 2005

"Respected Brother/Sister in Islam

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakatuhu

1. The name Raaji'ah could have an unpleasant connotation, though it could also mean a female who returns. We suggest that she change her name."

And Allah Ta'ala Knows Best.

Was Salaam

Mufti E Salejee

Ml MD Mangera
Fatwa Dept.

Now, even the Mufti sahib agrees with me. I must change it.

posted by Niqabi at 11:27 PM | 4 caw-ments

Uptil now, I've never pondered over the disadvantages of blogging, mainly because I thought they weren't any. A few days ago, when I was having one of my long day-dreaming sessions it occured to me that my blogspot is the only place where I feel in complete control of everything. To be able to excerice your control through words is not a small gift, I realised. And probably this is one of the reasons why its so addictive

Its true that Blogspot provides you with unlimited space for your thoughts, rants and rambles (for which we are very grateful!). It gives you the personal attention you crave and the importance you desire through feedback from various people. As a blogger you're confident, assertive, bold and open about all issues, most of the time you write your thoughts without hestitation. It helps to develop that certain e-courage. But what it robs you of is your real life courage to speak up, your ability to communicate effectively person-to-person and general interacting skills.

I'm an anti-social person so maybe I'm just using blogspot as an excuse but in any case thats my personal view.

posted by Niqabi at 1:46 PM | 1 caw-ments

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Don't we all, at some point in our lives need that little bit of reassurance? That one word of comfort which boosts up the flagging optimism? Sometimes its a mere gesture that does the job and restores the hope.

People who get that often are very lucky. Although alot of them make no bones about the fact that they're being treated like royalties, I do.

posted by Niqabi at 1:20 PM | 1 caw-ments

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The 'hue and cry' raised in the aftermath of this MSN nick:

'Dumbledore died and snape is a traitor', came as a startling shock to me. This nick collected more responces, albeit full of hatred and cuss words, than the ones on London blasts and Quetta train collision. Funny isn't it?

Four people completely freaked out and wanted to kill me instantly. One friend was very cool about it and encouraged me to spoil it for more people. The more, the better. So I love her.

Don't call me mean! I didn't kill Dumbledore! It was all J.K. Rowling's fault and infact it wasn't even her fault, Dumbledore was supposed to die in this book. It wasn't a difficult guess!! He was already so old, it would have been unnatural and very fictious to keep him alive for this long. Everyone's so emotional about this book, eloquently expressing their feelings through MSN crying emoticon; it has started to seem real to me too! I'm so glad not to be part of this Pottermania. But in any case, I might as well just send a dua his way...

May Allah bless Dumbledore's soul and give him eternal peace, Ameen. pah!

posted by Niqabi at 9:57 AM | 2 caw-ments

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Same ole' story

Sometimes I wonder if being a Muslim in today's world is similair to being a Jew in early twentieth century.

It started out lightly in Europe, with only few groups of people voicing sentiments against Jews but the hatred gradually gained momentum. In a matter of few years anti-semitism swept through whole of Europe and eventually led to World War II.

Jews were not taken as a religious group, but rather as a race which needed to be wiped off the face of the earth. The same goes with Muslims today.

If one analyzes the situation of the world , there can be no doubt about the fact that Muslims are targeted and accused for every bomb blast that may occur in any part of the world. If it was to be reported that a few hundred igloos in the Arctic region have been blown down by a bomb explosion, the investigation teams would hardly take 2 minutes to name the people responsible. Al-Qaeda it is and Al Qaeda it shall be. There is no question about it and there shouldn't be any questions! No proof or evidence is required because there can be no one but them. America and particularly George Bush will be the first one to use this incident as an excuse to give another lecture on 'terrorism', 'islamists' and the need to continue bombing nations. It is soley America's duty to create world peace because it is oh so full of good will. America will think of ways to preserve the freedom of people but it is not known whether these people will live to enjoy this gift because some naughty bomb might just fall on them....accidently. Bombs do have a mind of their own too, after all.

As George Bush and Tony Blair share puppy love, Britain's bound to agree with America too. Together they'll bomb the world, side-by-side, shoulder-by-shoulder, hand-in-hand and make this world a better place. The civilian casualities will far outrun military casualities and cities after cities will be bathed in blood. The 'terrorists' will escape again and America will vow like an injured lion to take revenge and bring justice. The only thing that it will bring to that dilapidated country is McDonalds, chewing gum and Friends.

posted by Niqabi at 10:48 AM | 2 caw-ments

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I've given a lot of thought and time to this decision so do not mock me. I've come to the conclusion that I should seriously consider changing my name. There are numerous reasons attached to this, firstly

-It's not a name. Its a word that caught my father's fancy. Its cruel to name your second daughter after a mere word!

-It's almost impossible to pronounce it correctly, as we're no Arabs. We do not pay attention to all the aieens and yaas, without which my name cannot be pronounced correctly.

-Its almost meaningless.

-In case of mispronunciation, which is the case 99.9 times, the meaning comes out to be pretty bad and i.e 'a very dirty thing'.

I have trillions of stories to tell, where people make fun of my name, lightly mistaking it with the Hindu name 'Raja' or getting stuck trying to pronounce the 'ea' bit at the end. Either they do it 'eeeeeeeya' or they simply leave it as Raja. I hate that.

By the way, I'm yet to discuss this with my father, he gets a bit emotional and takes everything personally when it comes to changing my name. I've changed my name once before, but I reverted to my birth name again.

But clearly I'm not happy with my present name. Any suggestions for the new one...? And this time I'll make sure I stick to it.

posted by Niqabi at 5:08 AM | 2 caw-ments

Monday, July 11, 2005

An interesting article...

This petite woman with her ready-to-stomp-the-world looks recently bragged 'Aunty of the year' award. She is your typical freshie aunty living in multi racial Britain. She was transported there, straight from the ruins of Bhatti gate (Lahore, Pakistan) as soon as she got married. Bracing herself with all the English she'll ever need, grocery (pronounced as 'gross-ry) and Ing-laaand, she boarded the plane.

In britain all her activites revolve around groceries, either she's going out to buy them or she's busy preparing them. She also has her own grocery social circle that consists of some fellow immigrants, with whom she whines about her sons' declining grades and missing Pakistan.

She has three main goals in life:

-how to get her sons to marry her brother's daughters (Safiya and majeedah) back home.

-looking absolutely ugly no matter what she wears.

-manage to live in England for another decade without learning a word of English.

posted by Niqabi at 1:24 PM | 4 caw-ments

It may sound strange, but I love bar codes. To the right is a picture of a standard, adorable bar code for you. Enjoy...

posted by Niqabi at 4:14 AM | 2 caw-ments

Sunday, July 10, 2005

I got this off a blog I used to read, three years ago. I wish I could provide the link to the blog, sadly I didn't save it. In any case, I think it has been deleted.

Here it is:

Bills comin' in
no income
what do you do?
Opportunities out there
are only a few
no help from anyone
this battle seems lost
for this life comes with such a great cost
watching the days go by
knowing the worst is yet to come
when you're nothing to society
just a useless bum
the frustration is endless
and there's no way out
is this what life is really about?
can't focus on anything
not on what counts
as I smoke my time away
and the problems mount
as high as they go
man, there's no way out.

posted by Niqabi at 8:24 AM | 2 caw-ments

Saturday, July 09, 2005

We've got a new maid, people. Straight from the village. I hope she stays here for long. I'm prancing around with joy. What a relief...

May Allah bless my soul. Ameen

posted by Niqabi at 9:21 AM | 4 caw-ments

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Is it just me trying to have a jolly good time these days? I'm striving for it, making a serious constant effort, working very hard for it but seems like nobody else wants to or just can't...

My friends, all of them actually, are going through some serious problems of their own that they are finding difficult to cope with. They are talking about taking a break from life or running away from home or wanting to kill some person or themselves. While they never look at me for support, of any sort, I still feel guilty sometimes. Guilty for being incapable of doing anything for them, guilty for not being there for them when they need me (they've stopped needing me actually), guilty for being my introverted self. It sucks not to be able to say a few comforting words, in person. It sucks to feel it inside, carry it everywhere but not to be able to express it somewhere. It sucks to suffocate your thoughts and feelings inside when every inch of your body wants them out so badly. So so badly.

I hate social phobia. I wish it would die a natural death and let us live peacefully, happily ever after...
The End.

posted by Niqabi at 12:07 PM | 5 caw-ments

Jazakallah SOOO much Zainab. I got your letter!!!

I find these two sentences simply...wonderful.

*I don't want to die but I ain't very keen on living either.

*I don't aspire to be anything, I've never believed in hard work, you know.

posted by Niqabi at 6:49 AM | 1 caw-ments

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I was driving and I crashed into a massive tree trunk and that was the end of the windscreen and the cute yellow sticker on it. Now we're windscreen-less. With no glass to hinder our sight, we see the world as it is, the road as it comes, the rain as it pours, the donkey as it shits...the smell, fragrance and beauty all in their natural form and existence. That's a lovely feeling.You shout at people to get outtav the way and they hear you, even with all the windows closed! Isn't that simply amazing? A pity on all those who have their windscreens intact. You're all deprived of driving with wind in your face, your hair, your eyes and your ears. You are missing out on a divine luxury, I tell you.

posted by Niqabi at 6:52 AM | 6 caw-ments

Monday, July 04, 2005

A very caring friend of mine sent me this.

"sleep tight dont let the bugs bite, if they do you'll catch a flu and that'll be the end of you!"

No wonder I feel so loved all the time.

posted by Niqabi at 12:26 PM | 2 caw-ments

I'm having a wonderful time with my rainfall. It had been forcasted for three days in Lahore, every morning but sadly, it didn't rain today. Although few of us are happy about this, but I'm not. I love rain. It ruined our plans of meeting and going out and I am sad about that but at the same time it has done the remarkable job of lowering the temperature and cheering the moods. It hinders tranportation and general movement but atleast it doesn't make you sweat 24/7. So do not speak ill of rain.

I'm re-re-re-re-re-reading a book by Hanif Kureshi called 'The buddhist of Suburbia' and the strange thing is that everytime I read it I find it more enjoyable and humorous. If any of you think that depression and wit don't go together, you should read a few pages from any of Hanif Kureshi's novels. They will surely make you feel better about depression if not yourself. I'm also learning English calligraphy by copying alphabets from the samples I downloaded from the internet. I'm tutoring myself so I'm not expecting anything professional, obviously. But hopefully soon I'll be able to write just about everything in calligraphy, which is a step ahead from bubble writing. I calligraphied chij bachee's name on the packing material left from our washing machine and gifted it to her but I guess its not upto the mark. Because later she was asking me what she should do with it and where she should put that err...junk. She didn't actually say 'junk' but she meant it. I know. I'm good at figuring out the 'under-lying' words. Anyway, we'll improve and you'll see. I'll probably be getting paid to do peoples names, who knows! I expect people to respect me for the amazing works I'll do in future.

Some people just don't come online. You rip your insides, you drink safi, you eat almonds, you wash toilets but still no. They only come when they are getting extremely bored and have absolutely nothing else to do, only to chat for 30 minutes and then off they go with their lordly airs. While you leave your homework, skip classes, postpone just about every darn thing thats important to you to talk to them. They move on with life and you just keep raah-tekking, lol. Thats so desperately desperate! And if you're thinking that I did any of the above for someone then....you're right! I did! I do realise that its a public blog and confessions hurt but I'd feel better once its out.

Em Tiddi, I don't like you. You're a peace-of-mind-stealer! Your prank was NOT funny, it was plain brain torture. I went over and over in my mind and tried to recall almost ALL the conversations I've had with you, to see if there's something, some little word or phrase that I uttered, which was offensive and it turns out that there is none! Okay besides all the jokes, there is not one! I tell you! And you ARE stupid, ok!!

God, I feel so empty now. Nothing to whine, no one to lash out at... I guess I'll go now.
take care everyone.

P.S: Zainab, do something about your blog! Its losing popularity!

posted by Niqabi at 4:35 AM | 7 caw-ments

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Welcome to the blogging world

Yesterday a friend of mine decided to join the blogging world. Congratulations!! Please give her a warm welcome. She has ordered me to publicize her blog in every way possible. I've put her address under the 'links' in the right hand bar.

She made her first post but the blogger decided to play games, so you can't as yet see anything there. Its just a nice dark blue screen but hopefully by tomorrow things will be ok.

Insha'Allah I hope this post which is solely about you Zainab, will qualify your standards of advertising.

Here is the blog
Happy reading.

posted by Niqabi at 7:59 AM | 2 caw-ments
Name: Niqabi
Location: Lahore, Pakistan
Occupation: Housewife
Religion: Islam
Interests: World War II, Jews, Hebrew, ancient sites, Muslim rule in Spain, revolutions, Vatican city and Islamic literature.
Books: The black album, Portofino, Ladies coupe, In beautiful disguises, The buddhist of Suburbia, The hidden life of Otto Frank.
Contact: niqabified [at] gmail [dot] com
Quote: "We plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners"

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