My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Its April th 30-officially, the day Hitler committed suicide and the day I was born and the day Em tiddi was born. All this didn't happen in the same year, though. But still its pretty eventful. Hitler's unexpected suicide is equally important if not less. Although it happened a good 50 years ago but the Jews have every reason on earth to celebrate this day, 50 years, 100, 1000 years, doesn't matter. Who can forget the torture of gas chambers.

Anyway, I'm writing this today (29th April) so I don't know how I'm going to spend my birthday. I do have a wonderful sociology class to attend in the morning to commence my day. An exciting prospect that is. My mum's plans of going to peshawar unfortunetly didn't materialise so here we are with her. I wish she could attend the wedding because she's so in love with that part of her family and she likes all the small cities of Pakistan. But....that is life.

I'll be turning 18 in just 10 minutes so I better prepare. I know its stupid but I used to think that I'll never be 18, either I'll die before that or....well the other option is just too childish. It feels good to be so old and I love to look down on 17 year olds.

I don't have any resolves. Strange, han. I know.

Insha'Allah I hope to have a happy, imanful life, it doesn't need to be very long, Ameen thumameen.

Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die--Oscar Wilde.

The quote is totally inappropriate, I know but its just so true I couldn't resist.

posted by Niqabi at 12:14 PM | 4 caw-ments

Friday, April 29, 2005

As much as I want to kick her, clobber her head with my calculator, smash her head againt the door, break her cheek bones and do everything brutal one can imagine, I would not. Because there is no way on earth I could perform the above without being chucked out of the school. So I have to think rationally, however difficult it may seem.

I should kill her !














mango bug...!!

Can you believe that? The crime...its so hideous, I should go to jail for it, yeah. Actually I should hang my head in shame and face a death trial. Oh I'm feelin so guilty! The guilt will kill me before I make it to the excecutioner.

I don't find it consoling that she chucked out two other students as well. I know for a fact that she hates me beyond measure and it was probably my obscene behaviour that 'turned her on'. With me well out of the class, she had no one to ridicule and the urge was killin her so she let go of her oh-im-such-a-sweety-smile and decided a lil chucking spree couldn't be that bad.

This world is brimming with stingy people. I wish I could just walk out of everything but that again is not possible like everything else.

posted by Niqabi at 7:47 AM | 4 caw-ments

Thursday, April 28, 2005

I think wanting to write is a fundamental sign of disease and discomfort. I don’t think people who are comfortable want to write--somebody.

Interesting Quotes:
Why is it that no one who is supposed to be here for me never is.
I have gone insane. I won’t be talking with you for a while.
You don’t have to drive me crazy—I’m close enough to walk.
If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

April is just so adorable, despite its rotten, nasty, mean, bleak, black, blue, miserable days I can never hate it.

Hey, check out this website, they've listed down all the phobias in the world.


Also sociology is useful in understanding relationships—all kinds of relationships, from international diplomacy to the most intimate relationships of the family.

Wow! Sociology IS useful for me, after all. I've got nothing to lose except self-respect and in the end I'll have a better understanding of my family which I desperately need so I'm willing to take what it gives. Everything. Even bias.

lol, I found this funny, and only people who study sociology will be able to share the joke.

Studies have demonstrated that rates of violent crime go up as the sale of ice cream also increases. This is a positive correlation, but should we conclude that eating ice cream causes people to get violent and commit crime?... (This could really simplify the Crime Bill!)

Well, as it turns out, this positive correlation is explained by a third variable that's not so apparent at first... That is, if we take a closer look, we see that warm weather will lead to more ice cream being sold, but it will also lead more people to be out in public places and thus increase the opportunity for violent
crime to occur...

Q.Discuss the causes and consequences of poverty in modern Britain.

D Grade student:

"Write down anything you can think of about poverty, in any order. Avoid giving any conclusions, but if you do, ensure that they are not justified by your answer."

lol-thats ME !!

posted by Niqabi at 7:43 AM | 4 caw-ments

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I wrote the post below a good three weeks ago or maybe even before. God knows why I didn't post it then and what made me write it but anyway here it is and I think this is by far the most irrelevant crap I've ever produced.

Ah April, I love you.

Why do I bother,

to go to school everyday?
to take a bath everyday?
to do the homework?
to wait for someone?
to use the deodrant?
to move my bum?


So many unanswered questions to life and myself. I'll let them all die an unnatural death because I can't be bothered to know the answers, Ahhh, I'm mad.

I want to go to Auswhitz and Bergen-Belsan. I want to read : Roses from the earth by Ann Lee. I want to live in a concentration camp for just one night. I'm obsessed with the pre-war Jewish community of Amsterdam and the year 1944. I used to love Granada but then somehow the obsession shifted to World War II. Weird.

I should forget everything and go to school tomorrow.

-shalom! hehe. Naw, naw I'm a Muslim, 100% .

For those of you who are dumbfounded by the above post...should remain dumbfounded. Im only being myself.

posted by Niqabi at 4:58 AM | 0 caw-ments

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Yesterday was certainly eventful - in every sense of the word!

I chatted with a net friend after 3 long years. She was 18 and I was 15 when we first talked and now she's 21 and I'm 18. Wow!

While talking to her suddenly I felt so nostalgic, remembering how I used to sit online for hours at a stretch doing nothing but chatting and how much I've changed since then. I have changed in many ways. Some for the better and some not. I'm sure of it because she asked me :

oh i want to ask you, are you still scared of the dark?

Ofcourse I'm not anymore, but it makes me laugh that I was scared of the dark until just three ago. I don't know how the fear evaporated because it was one thing I thought would never leave me. I guess I didn't have any real issues on my mind back then, that little stupid fears constantly hogged my thoughts.
I started talking to her on 15 th Dec and she promised to buy a microphone the following year so that we can have a voice conversation. She still hasn't bought it.
I asked her if her mum is still against niqab and she replied in the affirmative. Her mum was of the view that if you take niqab you wouldn't get any rishas (proposals) and obviously she hasn't moved from her stance because her daughter is still unmarried. Funny how everything changes with time, but mothers.

So much has happened in those three years we didn't talk, but still we were able to catch up with not only the important events but on all the minute details as well. And later after an hour's chat when she said

i feel so happy chatting to you

it made my day!

Besides that, anisha received my jiffy yesterday. Alhamdolilah. I'm glad she liked it. My dearest cousiness prepared a wonderful meal for me...it was unexpected and a VERY pleasant surprise. Jazakallah one million times. Another friend gave an emotional but very sweet speech.

"if you need to cry and i sense it, I will pull ur eyes out and make you wail like a baby"

That's only a part of it, the rest is too personal to disclose.

I love you two very much.

posted by Niqabi at 2:25 AM

Friday, April 22, 2005

Brand New Improved Pope.

The new pope got elected the day before yesterday! He’s a German and his name is Joseph Ratzinger. I agree that’s an odd name for a pope; just look at the surname:

Rat zinger...

But that matter has been taken care of because he’s going to use Benedict XVI from now onwards.After all tell me, when the ex-pope died, how many people actually knew his real name? Not me, for sure. And I’ve been following pope’s health for quite sometime now so I knew a lot about him, except for his name. Poor Karol. That’s a charming name, though.
Karol (Pope John Paul II) had a sweet disposition which he had managed to maintain till the age of 84, on the other hand Ratzinger looks pure evil. The way his eyes were darting about on his election day, makes one shudder and then wonder. He’s 78 years old, brain hemorrhaged and heart attacked; all set to be a pope. Clearly the Cardinals, after their previous experience with the Polish Pope serving 26 long years, don’t want anyone serving more than a few years. It can get annoying and most importantly boring.

"If you look at his picture in the article you can see he even looks evil, and quite possibly he could have the evil gene. His mean-looking face reminds me of a guy who leaves the kids up on the ferris wheel to teach them a lesson."

Look at his eyes! Posted by Hello

See, im not the only one saying that!

posted by Niqabi at 7:10 AM | 2 caw-ments

This poem made my day !










posted by Niqabi at 4:12 AM | 2 caw-ments

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


At the Pesach Seder children all over the world will be asking the four questions: "Why is this night different than other nights?"

Thousands of children in Eretz Yisroel will be asking a fifth question: "Why must we be different from other families, because we don't have enough money for the holiday?"

The severe cuts in government support and the sharp rise in the price of basic foods (25% rise for a loaf of bread) have made this question a painful challenge for all caring Jews. Only you can answer this question. Your response will enable hundreds of families in the Holy Land to join you in enjoying a Kosher and Happy Pesach.

Small family - $180, Medium family - $360, Large family - $ 540,
6 small families - $ 1080, 4 medium families - $ 1440,
5 medium families - $ 1800, 4 large families - $ 2160.

One Western Wall Plaza
PO Box 14149
Jerusalem 91141

Tel - 972-2-628-5666
Fax - 972-2-627-3172

© 2005 Aish.com

I recieved this e-mail yesterday from a Jewish website 'AISH'. When I first started using the internet (probabaly 3-4 years ago) I used to go to all the random crap websites and subscribed to their mailing lists. I once came to this Jewish website, wrote them a long e-mail on how I'm sick of being a Muslim (astegfirAllah) and wanted to enter Judisim, just to see how they respond. I don't quite remember the reply but they at once sent me alot of anti-muslim stuff to read. Later I learnt that Jews don't allow converts, there's no concept of conversion in Judisim. Either you're born into the religion or not. Anyway, just look at the questions, how unimportant and irrelevant they seem, as if answering this fifth question about simply being different is the most pressing issue in the world today. Subhan'Allah.

On a side-note, my freind's husband started this website, Qaaf-Aid (UK based) for helping the poor. Please have a look at it. Jazakallah.


* Life has more to do with how we deal with crisis than what the crisis is.

* No matter what happens to us, someone, somewhere is enduring a far greater test.

* I know that regardless of what happens to me or around me, I AM HERE FOR A REASON and I'm sick of being hauled over the coals by biased teachers who've got nothing better to do than calling out my name and acting for all the world as if I'm some huge troublemaker!!! Ok that was exaggerated but teachers can get very nasty.


posted by Niqabi at 8:11 AM | 1 caw-ments

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

-- depression is

depression is when you can't sleep and you get so bored looking at your roof, that you spend weeks nights contemplating what to do with it only to find that you wouldn't have enough determination to do it.
depression isn't always suicide.
depression is ovbious to only yourself. suicide is ovbious to everyone.
depression runs my life. makes me do things i shouldn't do.
depression is that voice in the back of your head telling you, that you need help.
depression makes you gain weight, loose weight, not eat, eat too much
depression has the feeling of death, without the dying part.
depression is still killing you even if you have the best things in the world.
depression isn't just having too little, it's having too much as well.
depression is never seeing your father happy.
depression is the killing of the broken pieces of your heart.
depression is slow motion and fast motion at the same time.
depression is the illusion that the world has turned it's back on you and everyone in it.
depression is hoping to survive and hoping not to at the same time.
depression isn't contemplating suicide, but wishing you were already there.
depression is when the only thing that cares is the depression itself.
depression is when you are at school and you can't remember things you learnt in grade 5.
depression is falling alseep in your favourite subject.
depression is hating yourself because your parents hate you.
depression is the hatred of your family.
depression eats your insides with a smile on it's face.
depression is the look in your eyes when you wake up in the morning, knowing you have to live another day.
depression is yourself. you are depression.
depression makes you who you are and who you'll always never want to be.
depression makes you miss your old self, but once your better, you miss depression.but for me, mostly, depression is all of these, plus, depression is when you have had it so long that you are scared of who you will be when and if you get better. you wonder if you could survive happy and if the happiness would eat you.
now ask yourself.. do you have depression?

I wish I had written this...

posted by Niqabi at 7:36 AM | 2 caw-ments

Sometimes the words just don't come out. The urge eats your insides but your guts keep failing you. Eventually you lose the moment and confirm your fears of being a complete loser. Having established that you look up to the skies to despair, constantly expecting a shit(through the courtesy of crows) at any moment and contemplate life.

Bye bye.

posted by Niqabi at 7:13 AM | 0 caw-ments

Monday, April 18, 2005

"And what hope can you have for your own future when your parents are forever cursing you".

This line literally killed me-inside out.

posted by Niqabi at 8:54 AM | 3 caw-ments

Sunday, April 17, 2005

"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true."

posted by Niqabi at 10:44 AM | 0 caw-ments

Friday, April 15, 2005

Yesterday me and my sister decided to give our mother a pleasant surprise. Twas the first time I was cooking something on my own, unaided. I don't count my sis as any help, even though she has more experience in burning food. Anyway, we mutually agreed to cook chicken as it is the only meat which takes the least amount of skills to make it tasty. The onion-chopping part was excruciatingly painful for my eyes, and they've still not forgiven me. Eyes I mean. But I somehow managed to chop 2-3 of those heartless brats and fryed them. Then we mixed quite alot of spices, anything that looked exotic and coulorful was frying away. Later came the chicken and we left it on its own for a while. My sis went to take a toilet-break while I just walked out of kitchen. Life was good. Chicken-on the stove, me-well away from the kitchen, my sis-in the toilet. Had things stayed the way they were, we would be violating an important law of life having ups and downs. So down it was and pretty steep.

There is no mystery to this. The chicken did burn as it always had, under my sis's supervision. She came crashing out of the door, into the kitchen, let out a sigh and we all knew. Another shot at being a natural TT desperately failed. So we both yelled at each other, mutually screamed at my younger sis who was unfortunely in the kitchen at that time and blamed the world in general.

But determined and professional burners as we are, the little black coat in the pot and alot of smoke didn't dampen our spirits. Yes, we made it again. This time we checked it after every 10 seconds. There was no way in the world it could have burnt. And then balley balley, there it was !

Eventually the onions, the shock and the screaming took its toll on me. I was exhausted in every sense of the word, needless to say I didn't do my homework and skipped my school :)

I've concluded that I can either cook or study. Its virtually impossible to manage the two togather and I confirmed this through my experience.

By the way I have school tomorrow as well. And there is nothing in the world that sucks more than having to wake up at 7:35 am to attend a sociology class. trust me.

Also Abez got wedded today, anisha turned twenty and our jam expired. 15th of April'2005 is surely a milestone in my life.

posted by Niqabi at 12:01 PM | 2 caw-ments

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Sweet Posted by Hello

posted by Niqabi at 7:47 AM | 2 caw-ments

Monday, April 11, 2005

He's my boyfriend. I love him to bits.  Posted by Hello

posted by Niqabi at 3:25 AM | 2 caw-ments

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I don’t want to blog and I don’t want to post and I don’t want to do my homework and I don’t want to talk and I don’t want to sleep and I don’t want to write and I don’t want to get off this chair and I don’t want to stop writing this. This’ll hopefully qualify as a productive post.

I’m suffering from Mosquito Bites. Help me.
This blog so needs to die.
And by the way my website 'Niqabified' which was basically alot of trash online is going down soon (insha'Allah!) because firstly I can't pay for it anymore and secondly I think the world would be fine without it.


posted by Niqabi at 4:03 AM | 0 caw-ments

Saturday, April 09, 2005

This seriously hurts me...

" My friends are at complete loggerheads with each other, and going to school is completet TORTURE for me...i think if i were whipped on racks it wud be easier to bear....and none of them are half so caring as ur friends are".

O really?

posted by Niqabi at 9:58 AM | 2 caw-ments

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Shining light
Another day turns into night
Eternal fire
Waited all my life

Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away

Tears I cried
Kept them all inside
I needed time
To make up my mind
[To make up my mind]

Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away

Tears I cried
Kept them all inside
I needed time
To make up my mind
[To make up my mind]

Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away

Don't ask.

posted by Niqabi at 6:50 AM | 0 caw-ments

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Lots of love and everything sweet for my friend Em tiddi.

posted by Niqabi at 10:36 AM | 2 caw-ments

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Gawd, my leg's killing me ! I think I'm gonna die.

posted by Niqabi at 9:26 AM | 0 caw-ments

Sunday, April 03, 2005

"Life without love is like a horse without horns"
-John Keats,1820

Nobody on this planet can disagree with THAT!

posted by Niqabi at 9:53 AM | 1 caw-ments

A conversation.

Why don't people understand that I'm a lying machine!

Read this conversation I had with a friend of mine-STM. Both of us didn't attend the sociology class on Saturday and obviously she didn't know that I hadn't gone either. But I 'somehow' got to know that she didn't go. And I decided to have fun.

Omg, the pope died! says:
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
smiley returned
Omg, the pope died! says:
Why didn't you come for the sociology class on saturday?
Omg, the pope died! says:
miss was SO mad
Omg, the pope died! says:
she said keh all those students who dint bother to show up will have to do the work twice !
Omg, the pope died! says:
s*** t******
Omg, the pope died! says:
s*** a***
Omg, the pope died! says:
etc etc
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
did summy come??
Omg, the pope died! says:
Omg, the pope died! says:
nopes she didnt
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
n abeeha?? how many ppl came??
Omg, the pope died! says:
10 in total
Omg, the pope died! says:
but 3 left
Omg, the pope died! says:
so 7 only
Omg, the pope died! says:
me, em
Omg, the pope died! says:
Omg, the pope died! says:
ayesha aziz
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
who left??
Omg, the pope died! says:
etc etc
Omg, the pope died! says:
2, 3 left/
Omg, the pope died! says:
Laiken why didn't YOU come?
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
yaar amber tariq nay kaha tha nahee aana tua naa ao
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
coz of da strike
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
y did u go
Omg, the pope died! says:
Omg, the pope died! says:
she didnt call me !
Omg, the pope died! says:
angry face
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
she dint call me either..abeeha went to her on friday n asked
Omg, the pope died! says:
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
miss waqai may tappi hui thee?
Omg, the pope died! says:
Omg, the pope died! says:
pata nee kya huwa tha
Omg, the pope died! says:
she hit the roof
Omg, the pope died! says:
when she saw keh sirf 7 log ayin hain
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
well..v will tell her
Omg, the pope died! says:
hmm....kya kahin gay?
~*ST*~ pye piss poo!! says:
yehi kay amber nay manna kia tha
Omg, the pope died! says:
ah acha...
Omg, the pope died! says:
laiken woh kahain gee
Omg, the pope died! says:
keh yeh bhee toh ayi tha

And after that she got d/ced :D Poor girl...

posted by Niqabi at 5:53 AM | 2 caw-ments
Name: Niqabi
Location: Lahore, Pakistan
Occupation: Housewife
Religion: Islam
Interests: World War II, Jews, Hebrew, ancient sites, Muslim rule in Spain, revolutions, Vatican city and Islamic literature.
Books: The black album, Portofino, Ladies coupe, In beautiful disguises, The buddhist of Suburbia, The hidden life of Otto Frank.
Contact: niqabified [at] gmail [dot] com
Quote: "We plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners"

Previous Posts