My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

My exams are starting from 6 th of June, If I haven't been mistaken. I'm sooo looking forward to them! Not because my preparation is brilliant or anything even close to that, I'm just yearning for some change at school and exams would give me plenty of that. No I dont start *crying outav anxiety 10 days before my exams* or get slightly nervous, atleast not until I see the paper....

By the way, we are planning to go the mountains tomorrow, insha'Allah. I hope this time we do actually go there. Not a very appropriate time for vacationing but who cares? We're always having exams, atleast twice or thrice a year while I don't go for vacations every year, do I? So there, its justified.

Although, it'll be pretty hard to be with my family virtually all the time without any pleasant distractions, but this issue should be overlooked because firstly its not an issue and secondly I have other MORE important things to worry about. I haven't done my sociology assignment, which I'm supposed to hand over on Tuesday, secondly I recently lost my glasses, three safety pins and my sociology register at school, in the course of a single week and I need to get them back somehow! Then there is the exam preparation and unfortunetly I don't see any time for that in the near future. How sad.

"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."

I wish I had more time. Its not just time actually, its my laziness. I still can't believe that I've actually finished my first year of A level and my exams are just a week away!! Worse still I know I'm not going to do anything to clear this state of misbelief. It'll stay there for good till I get the shock of my life, i.e. the result.

Anyway, our plans are never final and go through a billion alterations ranging from "we're going next year to we're not going at all to we're going tomorrow"!, so I can't say anything for sure. But If I don't blog till tomorrow night, that means I have successfully left.

So people, I love you all and especially you and you and you, ok?

posted by Niqabi at 11:12 PM | 2 caw-ments

Friday, May 27, 2005

I found this amusing...

"I can't see your face, but I can sense the smile".

posted by Niqabi at 9:30 AM | 4 caw-ments

Thursday, May 26, 2005


Smoking kills you slowly! It ruins your life! It deteriorates your health! It burns your soul! It blackens your heart! It blocks your mind! It makes you sick! It makes you dependant!



posted by Niqabi at 11:50 PM | 2 caw-ments

Big things...

posted by Niqabi at 6:42 AM | 0 caw-ments

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Confusement- me.
YeS!! - a friend of mine.

I've been freinds with her since 2003 and I've never shared myself more with anyone else through letters, other than her. But its sad to know that something that means the world to you is somebody elses junk.

[06:31:45 AM] Confusement: do you have all my letters?
[06:32:01 AM] YeS!!: i should do
[06:32:11 AM] Confusement: 'all' i mean?
[06:32:23 AM] YeS!!: i dont throw them away straight away
[06:32:30 AM] Confusement: not straight away...
[06:33:22 AM] Confusement: ah ok
[06:33:12 AM] YeS!!: i do have your letters
[06:33:15 AM] YeS!!: all of them
[06:33:17 AM] YeS!!: i think
[06:33:28 AM] YeS!!: i dont remember chucking any away
[06:32:33 AM] YeS!!: but in the furture like all other ones
[06:33:35 AM] YeS!!: I will...because i do that
[06:33:42 AM] YeS!!: with all my cards and letters

'Kind words are soft and easy but their echoes are truly endless' -Mother tereasa

Now this quote makes MORE sense if we alter it a bit:

'harsh words are killing and easy but their echoes are truly endless too!'


posted by Niqabi at 10:49 AM | 1 caw-ments

Whoever proposed a two-hour saturday class should sit through the gruelling lecture and realize the horrors of it. We studied some undecipherable nonsense for quiet a while, writing continuosly with occasional lapse of laughter. It wasn't all that unpleasant but I'm not too interested in post-modernization, anyway.

Tomorrow is my sister's engagement, which is actually a step down. She was supposed to get nikahed this Thursday but then due to the 'unforeseen circumstances' the lad's bro couldn't make it to Lahore and we were made to agree on a mere egagement. How sad. The only thing that I don't understand is that why I'm lacking the thrill it carries?? I should be ecstatic, isn't it. I should be prancing around with joy, eh. But in contrast to that I'm pretty nonchalant about this whole matter, attended my class as usual, ate a normal breakfast and now I'm typing up a post. Nothing extra-ordinary. Everytime someone asks me if I'm excited I have to be dead honest and admit that I'm not. And I feel gulity about this too. But I think I'll start anticipating everything when the reality sets in. I'm not really taking all this, some part of me wants to believe that despite everything, engagement and all, nothing will change, life would still be the same. I hope not, though!

I have developed a severt dislike for all mother-in-laws. Why are they so cheeky and clever...always? And I think this is one relationship, one can generalize without giving a second thought to it. You could never be more right in your assumption. But I'm fervently praying that this one doesn't live up to my dreaded 'pre-conceived' notion.

Anyway, I found this really funny. I read this in the newspapers today.

Sorry, you're dead.

Berlin: A German woman in her eighties said she had been ordered by her pension fund to produce a certificate to prove she was still alive.
Martha Kruse telephoned the Bundesknappschaft fund after her payments were suddenly stopped, only to be told by an employee: "Don't get upset, but you died on January 28."
The employee would not accept the sound of the woman's voice as prrof that she was still alive and asked her instead to produce a 'life certificate'.

I'm on a printing spree these days, I print everything and anything that catches my fancy. Not very wise. I'm running out of ink and It'll be a while before I get a new one. I love the touch of printing paper, its so ...white and peaceful. I've started using it for making rough notes too and I end up paying more attention to the paper than to the contents.

The weather has been playing tricks with us again. One moment, its a fiery sun burning us out and the next, it retreats and the clouds take over. I'm not complaining about it, I'm perfectly alright with this hide n seek game in the skies.

I so should be helping everyone at home, rather than blogging. Insha'Allah we'll meet again.


posted by Niqabi at 3:42 AM | 3 caw-ments

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I like this picture. Posted by Hello

posted by Niqabi at 9:00 AM | 4 caw-ments


I'm baq from the jamat break. It was a wonderful experience. I learnt two words

jai adore, I don't know if its written correctly but thats the way you pronounce it.

For some odd reason I feel like an idiot.

posted by Niqabi at 8:51 AM | 0 caw-ments

Monday, May 16, 2005


We're having a jamat at our place tomorrow so I shall not be blogging for two entire days. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll tell the details later.

Have a nice day.


posted by Niqabi at 9:20 AM | 0 caw-ments


I was pleasantly shocked to read this.

"I happened to come across this blog (http://niqabified.blogspot.com/). It is about a girl who is unashamedly Muslim and writes interesting articles. Her life is not a glorious story of how wonderful it is to be a Muslim in today’s world. In fact, her story would resonate with a lot of young women of a similar age. Her post (12th May 2005) concerning her conversation with her mother made me think how lucky/blessed I am to have my parents so I decided to post a comment.

I glanced at the rest of her blog and was confounded by my reaction to it. I actually decided not to post a comment because I felt utterly unqualified to offer my white, male, Christian perspective to this girl. What could I possibly say that would cheer this girl up? What possible difference could it make? Would I just be told to PFO?

When I engage in conversation with Marwan, it is always about issues that concern us both. Marwan believes as do I that Christians and Muslims should work on issues of mutual concern to one another. Issues such as marriage and abortion where we can present a united front and hopefully benefit one another. But our conversations rarely extend outside that. We are not friends as such, merely acquaintances.

There is something wrong with that. I was disgusted by my reaction to million miles. I went back and thought about what I could post and did a few lines that I hope may help Niqabi. I hope to continue reading her blog and first develop some form of blogship with this girl and secondly gain some insight into the perspective of a Muslim person.

As a Christian I am called not to judge other people. I am called to have respect for other beliefs. But it goes deeper than that. As an ordinary human being I should not be afraid to engage with people who are different. The day I become afraid to talk to people who are different is the day I lose an essential part of who I am."


So this post is dedicated to MaxiSmeg. I'm very grateful for the post he wrote (above) and the time he must have spent in reading my blog and in tryin to make sense of what I'm actually like. I know, alot of times I have exaggerated my feelings and thoughts, which I realise now is not a very good thing to do on a public blog. Yes, I agree that it is HARD and very hard again to 'practise' Islam fully in today's world. Being a practising Muslim (or atleast striving to become one) and simply being a Muslim, occasionally doing something that pleases you, is different. The most important thing, in my view is to practise islam 100 %, not parts of the religion you like or which suit you more, taking short-cuts and moulding it according to your ideas, but following it to the last detail. That is the hardest thing and thats what I'm trying to do. Alot of times my environment isn't exactly encouraging. Outside house, its simply a struggle to be what I am, and alot of people cannot relate to that because they're going with the flow. Even if people don't voice their innermost feelings on seeing me completley clad in an abaya (cloak kinda thing) with my face AND body covered, I can feel their judgement on me. I know there are questions and puzzled looks and whispers and pre-conceived notions about me. Not everyone thinks that way, but most of the people tend to judge people by their appearance. Its not something very pleasant or something that I look forward to.
So my point is that because my enviroment isnt 100 % islamic, as it should have been, sometimes I find it difficult to practise islam and that frustrates me. I'm whining like a baby, I know but to give you a 'clearer' picture I had to write this. All of this has got little to do with Islam and ALOT to do with families. You must have a supportive and an understanding mother to cope with everything. I'm just not the person I wanted to be and hence all the whining, anger and frustration. Insha'Allah I hope one day I have the strength and obviously the support to do what I want.

(f)YA ALLAH!!(f) says:
sis man i cn tell u nyfin
(f)YA ALLAH!!(f) says:
love u soooooooooooo much
(f)YA ALLAH!!(f) says:

I was having a conversation with my friend while writing this post and the above words made my day. I'm on top of the world!

posted by Niqabi at 7:02 AM | 0 caw-ments

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Hello pipple!

I hate the world today and what is it with people today, particularly Miss ****? Nothing feels good or right. I just need to let go of all the pent-up anger building up inside me but...how? Blogging is not exactly what I had in mind until late afternoon when I announced to my cousin that I shall blog, come what may. I've shouted at her, atleast thrice today for simply no reason at all and it felt soo good. I can make up all the stories in the world and she'd play along with utter seriousness and promptly reply to all my mindless accusations hurled her way, completely outav the blue like, " Its all your fault, I'm gonna kill you now!" She doesn't seem to doubt my sanity or think that I'm crazy, mad, stupid, idiot or a mixture of all four. So here we are. ok so...
There are days when you wish you were dead. And when they come often, very often you feel like taking your life yourself BUT that is ...haram. Yes that is haram. So we don't. We also don't because we tend to believe that all of it is a phase and will go away soon. These days EVERYTHING is a phase. But the phase is there to stay so it stays. Yes it stays. Then we start blaming others for every class of problem because we need some sort of justification for our exceedingly amiable behaviour. We start with the world in general and end up with the family in particular. Then we start with the skies and the weather and the crows and end up with it too. Then we start whining about our work-load, our circle of friends, teachers, teachers again and the bus. Suddenly we want to run away. Far far away, million miles away. Need to take a 'break' from everything. But how on earth can you take a break when exams are looming round the corner?

I'm going to wage a war against my maths teacher, if I ever get the chance. I hate feminists. Actually I hate all the stupid -ists, who think anything is possible. I wouldn't be surprised if they think walking naked on the street is freedom of body expression and idiotic liberals dishing out theories on how our body sometimes needs fresh air. All of them are of the view that THEY can change the world, make it a better place to live, they can revolutionize everything with their ideas.

Karl Marx was a very very poor descendant of a very very rich family. He could just never adjust to the change and hence all the crap about Marxism. He was very fond of social change and uses the term as if thats the most natural thing to happen in a society. He loved social change so much, he wouldn't have minded it if we had it everyday. I hate him for his materialistic appraoch. Feminisim is actually an extremist behaviour, they totally condemn men. Okay, I'm exaggerating alot but thats how I understand them. Their main goal in life is to make men do the house-work, clean and feed babies and if possible, even produce them. They want change now. Its about time men realise their worth and become slaves.

I'm done with my whining. Now you tell...

posted by Niqabi at 4:44 AM | 2 caw-ments

Monday, May 09, 2005

Although I'm not twenty and certainly not going through 'quarter-life crisis' but some parts of it are relatable and I feel like an idiot relating to every dull, gloomy, depressed text on earth but...that can't be helped. I love crises, quarterly, mid-life, teenage...anything!

Being twenty-something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

posted by Niqabi at 6:22 AM | 0 caw-ments

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Dissolve me and drink me.

posted by Niqabi at 6:29 AM | 0 caw-ments

sHaBS says:
Hey Niqabi

sHaBS says:
It's ShahBano

sHaBS says:
I just wnted to tell you

sHaBS says:
You know my baby bro

sHaBS says:
He passed away

sHaBS says:
He fell into the swimming pool

sHaBS says:
and drowned

sHaBS says:

sHaBS says:
thats abt it

sHaBS says:
I'll talk to u some other tym

sHaBS says:

Inalilahi waina ilayhi rajioon.

posted by Niqabi at 1:27 AM | 3 caw-ments

Friday, May 06, 2005

So Tony Blair won. All the stupid articles about these days being his last have gone down the drain. Sad, very sad. I was so sure this time the English would do something sensible (offence meant). They haven't done anything unexpected anyway, it was a mistake to expect that bit of sense from them. According to my very authentic sources:

Labour Party (Blair's) won 196 votes out of 324
Liberal democrats won only 64. lol poor brats.
Conservative----I don't know about them and I couldn't care less.

Read this conversation I had with a friend of mine:

YA ALLAH!! says:
jack straw won
YA ALLAH!! says:
Angelina Jolie is in Islamabad! says:
YA ALLAH!! says:
i feel like dyin!
A ALLAH!! says:
my fut
YA ALLAH!! says:
if it ws up2 me
YA ALLAH!! says:
id kill ald dese kafirs
Angelina Jolie is in Islamabad! says:
YA ALLAH!! says:
day all de same, anyway

And yesterday she was lamenting about the present pakistani goverment. She's masha'Allah very knowledgable about the political situtaion of Muslims.

Angelina Jolie is in Islamabad!: I don't think its compulsory to vote in Pakistan.
YA ALLAH!!: well pakistan
YA ALLAH!!: is a dictatorship
Angelina Jolie is in Islamabad!: oh yes...well
Angelina Jolie is in Islamabad!: but even before that
YA ALLAH!!: yea
YA ALLAH!!: musharraf needs 2 die anyway
Angelina Jolie is in Islamabad!: I see...
YA ALLAH!!: Yeah...

The only thing that matters is that Tony Blair won. Why, why, why!! Before it was George Bush, now its Tony Blair, despite all the atrocities they've jointly committed against humanity they've been elected again and this time the people had a choice. A sad affair.

So khyr, by the way I made muffins the day before yesterday. Needless to say they got a lil bit brown but that comes with my baking. 12 in total but they were broken into a million pieces anyway so its stupid to keep a count. Its been two days now and my muffin tray is still at school...resting in peace. I just keep forgetting to bring it back home and my mum is surely going to notice this, just give me one more day and she'll explode. I can bet on that! Not that I would...ofcourse.
I also took a few bites from a tasteless and potential stomach ach giver burger but then left it for my friend to eat. And to compensate the loss I ate alot of Golden Crisps and now im feelin ...sick! I bunked my economics class and slept in our library instead. Like I actually laid down on two chairs and took a good 40-minute nap. It felt...different!

Anyway, I'm gonna go now coz our maid has been chucked out and I have to work. Bye-bye loveos.

posted by Niqabi at 8:06 AM | 3 caw-ments

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Who are you inside?

You are a water girl. You are flexable and very
nice. You are quiet so people who don't know
you thnk you are weird or just mean and high
and mighty like. You aren't though. You like
to have a good time and you also just like to
relax and just enjoy the stars.


posted by Niqabi at 8:43 AM | 0 caw-ments

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

The weather in Lahore is changing, alhamdolilah! Just look at the sky and not an inch of it seems real! Its beautiful and lovely, blue and peaceful and so non-May-ish. Last week I was going through the newspaper and there was an article about the changing weather in Lahore, according to which this year we will have no real summers, which would be a miracle and a dream come true too. And ever since I read that I've told this bit of news to half a dozen people around me who get equally delightful to hear it. If only it'd rain everyday...

Let it rain
As I walk these streets unknown
To no one named
Not even myself
When I'm low

Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

Let it go
No mother no father no home
Forget as all others
Have forgotten
When I'm alone

But give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

Let it come
Love that lifts me up
Pain that brings me down
Everything I'd ever want and don't
When I'm not strong

But give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

Let it rain
Let it flood these streets and wash me away
To where it makes no difference who I am
Or what the future holds
When I don't know

But give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

posted by Niqabi at 6:15 AM | 0 caw-ments

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Have you ever imagined your gravestone? The engravings on it, with your name and dates.

If not, please do when you're feelin low. The image will send down shivers and you would realise there are other more important things to worry about. Or...you'd feel even worse. But that's not the point. The point is to think about your GRAVE.

imagine. Posted by Hello

posted by Niqabi at 10:48 AM | 0 caw-ments
Name: Niqabi
Location: Lahore, Pakistan
Occupation: Housewife
Religion: Islam
Interests: World War II, Jews, Hebrew, ancient sites, Muslim rule in Spain, revolutions, Vatican city and Islamic literature.
Books: The black album, Portofino, Ladies coupe, In beautiful disguises, The buddhist of Suburbia, The hidden life of Otto Frank.
Contact: niqabified [at] gmail [dot] com
Quote: "We plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners"

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