Million Miles

My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Working, working and working. Thats all I've been doing. I've been busy, contrary to my normal sluggishness. I've hardly been online. I've been preparing for stuff; situations, exam, confrontations, ramadhan, praying among alot of other things. Being busy is not so bad after all, you simply don't get the time to ponder over the less obvious and minute details of life. You go along the wave and don't bother to rip everything to shreds. I think its similar to being drugged, speaking in terms of the effect. Although, I haven't taken any drugs but I assume the effect to be somewhat like this, distant, nonchalant and generally floating. Oh whatever. I'm busy and I'm liking it.

I made so many resolves in the past couple of months that I've almost lost count but I'm just hoping that I follow through them. One was about NOT backbiting. Oh that one's the HARDEST! You resist and keep your mouth sealed for the entire day but then suddenly you get an overwhelming desire to critisize someone, blame someone or just simply gossip . Its hard to resist bhai. Very hard.

Also I want to read Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler. I've been meaning to read it for quite some time now but can't seem to find it anywhere! Hopefully soon insha'Allah. World War II fascinates me. I'm obsessed with it, I can read any literature available on it. Simply everything. I don't know why World War II, in particular interests me but it was probably after I read Anne Frank-the diary of a young girl and later to follow it, The hidden life of Otto Frank. I instantly loved Anne frank; the remarkable sense of humour that she maintains even when surrounded by war and so much tragedy is exceptional. Her ability to survive everything with a smile on the face or atleast the effort of making one is truly amazing.

On the other hand, The hidden life of Otto Frank, took its own sweet time to make its place. It was more mature and detailed, though also peppered with superfluous events that made it a bit boring in the begining. I think the author was making her ground before launching the story in full swing. Its not one of those books that you can start from the middle and expect them to make sense. Although this one doesn't make sense until you're deep into it but nevertheless its worth reading.

Until that book was published nobody knew for sure who had betrayed the Frank family. There were some clues, names and links but they all lead to a dead end. Nothing definate. An investigation in the case took place in early 1950s but that was closed down too, in the 60s as they couldn't come up with any solid evidence against anyone. Then came Anne Lee, the author of the book. She wasn't convinced with what was presented to her and decided to take the matter in her own hands. Her primary area of focus was Otto Frank but with the Franks the topic if betrayal is almost inevitable.

Anne did extensive investigation on her own, excavating dark facts and previously unpublished interviews that lead her to the answer and ultimately pointed at only one man. In the closing chapters of the book she brings up the name of her prime suspect backed with reasons and evidence. Now the interesting part, after the book was published, the late suspect's son came forward and wrote to her, assuring that it wasn't probably his father but it was him for sure. The end was truly marvellous but the most amazing thing about the book is that while reading it you're very aware of its reality, that all of this actually happened to people like us. All the grotesqueness and horrible destruction did not occur in the Dark Ages of Europe but just a mere 60 years ago in the so-called developed continent of Europe. How ironic...

I've only watched two movies, The Pianist and Schindler's List based on World War II and both of them were very successful in capturing the actual spirit of the war...well atleast I think they did!

Anyway, coming back to the point I'm interested in Mein Kampf because Hitler intrigues me. I'm curious to know how his mind functioned, his experiences and the way they shaped his ideas, beliefs and actions. Surely there must be something that propelled him to commit such atrocious crimes. It'd be very interesting, I assume, to read through the mind of a murderer who killed six million jews. Six million human beings. Six million people who lived and dreamed just like you and me. How could anyone justify something as terrible as killing people just because we believe them to follow an inferior religion? It isn't only about Jews, the same goes for all; Muslims, Christians, Hindus and Buddhists etc.

I spent an entire month, last year reading through a Holocaust website. It contained alot of pictures and interviews of the survivors and there was one that I distinctly remember. There was a woman around the age of 45-50 who had been experimented upon by German doctors in the camps and she said that, 'Bergen-Belsan-a concentration camp in Germany- was hell on earth, hell on earth, hell on earth.' The way she said it had such a haunting effect to it; with so much pain, agony and anger, someone who's actually been through hell and back. I wish I get a chance to talk to a Jewish Holocaust survivor. Insha'Allah I hope that comes soon because they they must be quiet old now and I want to catch them before they become...err extinct.

OK. This is completely unrelated to what I'm saying but I was reading through my blog and was slightly shaken by the fact that I come out as a very depressed person or atleast someone who's seen much bitterness in life. And that is not true. I'm not trying to re-potray myself but I think I've been hyperbolic in my writings. I use strong words that catch my fancy but sometimes change the outlook. I've got to be more precise and to-the-point. Admittedly, I've had my phases of meaningless sadness but that is all short-lived. Coming in torrents and then leaving me calm. Everything is essentially evanescent in life so I've got to get used to it, eh? Just need to change the focus.

My blog's break is not over yet and so this is not a post.

posted by Niqabi at 5:46 AM

2 Comments:

ATY said...

yaar i luv posts like this...they show what layers of depth u possess...most ppl wud term what u think as interesting to be boring, but u actually make ur interes seem like somthing the reader can't live without...if u understand what that means, that's cool, if u don't, well, that's just ATY for u.

7:04 AM

Niqabi said...

ATY: Wow, you flatter me sometimes!! Thank you for the sweet words. Yes, I do understand :)

Illusion: Thank you for the comment:)

5:36 PM