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My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.
   

Monday, September 19, 2005


I'm finding it a tad hard to write about personal experiences and stuff without crossing into extremely personal. You can't really limit your writing but if you do that it loses its 'truthful streak' or essence or whatever.

I'm sitting here glumly, trying to word out my thoughts. I would love to have long, intimate conversations with people in real life but I feel totally inadequate and inept. How can writing ever compensate for that, han? It can't. It just can't. Words don't come out as effectively as they're supposed to. You try to accentuate a concept, a dilemma, a thought and despite all your efforts it falls down flat; dead and bland. And besides, writing is such a long and trecherous process. Wouldn't it be better if we could just talk and pour everything out?

Sometimes life strikes me as rather gloomy. This thought makes its appearance only when I'm procrastinating like a lazy toad, delaying work and anything urgent. An idle mind wanders off and ends up with nothing but more confusion. For days and days, under the full moon of high expectation you wait for something to happen. Something that blows life into your soul and makes your existence worthwhile. Then one day, everything goes wild and berserk. Your hopes get crushed somewhere in the middle. You just stand silently, crying inside, wondering why couldn't things work out for you? Why is there always so much pain and hurt to bear before all achievements?

There are little things in life that mean the world to me but often when I find myself desperately failing in achieving them, it breaks me down. I don't need sympathy or encouraging words, I just want to get there now. Fast.

There are a multitude of truths that can't be said because they lead to uneasy thoughts but this one's been suffocating for far too long, it needs fresh air.


posted by Niqabi at 5:56 AM

3 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

The last line needs some real thought on my part...I promise I will write a post on it after my exams...there are issues about it that need to be addressed...issues that concern our entire social scene, not just any one individual...

Otherwise, my friend, you are young but maturing fast. Be sure (and I assure you myself) that this is one thing that you'll learn to be ok with, not only because it might/might not be true, but also because even if it is, there's stuff that, once understood, will help you deal with it...

11:57 AM

  Blogger Niqabi said...

'there are issues about it that need to be addressed...issues that concern our entire social scene, not just any one individual...'

Oh my, yes!

Thank you for the assurance, its relieving and since you've been there I guess you know hows it all like...:)

5:54 AM

  Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my opinion here someone has gone in cycles

1:54 PM

 

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Name: Niqabi
Location: Lahore, Pakistan
Occupation: Housewife
Religion: Islam
Interests: World War II, Jews, Hebrew, ancient sites, Muslim rule in Spain, revolutions, Vatican city and Islamic literature.
Books: The black album, Portofino, Ladies coupe, In beautiful disguises, The buddhist of Suburbia, The hidden life of Otto Frank.
Contact: niqabified [at] gmail [dot] com
Quote: "We plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners"


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