Million Miles

My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

For some odd reason, I don't feel like whining here anymore. This doesn't mean that I've stopped whining altogether but that I've found other ways. Plus, I think there comes a time in every blogger's life (lol, sorry im making this too serious) when he/she realises that a public blog is after all, public; open to judgement and assumptions. In a way, it limits your written thoughts. Please agree with me.

There are certain things that need to be discussed.

I'm not a very experienced person when it comes to friendship, and the fact that I had a disastrous fight just a few months back with people I could never dream fighting, explains it well.

But still I've realised that...

People don't care about other peoples feelings. They trample over them, crush them to bits, leave without feeling an ounce of remorse but what's worse is that they try to justify their actions. They give ridiculous explanations laced with selfish and egotistic phrases. Such discussions are a real eye-opener and almost always very shocking. Yes, I'm trying to make a point here.

The myriad of people I've come across are amusing and interesting, warm and kind, caring and loving but then I can never be sure that the moment I leave them, they wouldn't discuss ways of getting rid of me. Why should they be any different to me? If they're capable of bad mouthing anyone, no matter how sweet or warm-hearted he/she is, why would they not belittle me while Im gone? Hypocrisy is so deeply rooted in their minds, that they have to fight to overcome it.

There are rules, I've heard. Etiquettes for befriending people. If you want to enter a circle of friends and make space for yourself, the first step is not to enter voluntarily. Make it seem to have happened by chance. Do not just walk into a group and pretend to be a part of it, even if you do find their attitudes somewhat welcoming. Thats just a game. Never forget that our world is full of pretentious people, like you and me. We all want others to believe that we are polite people. They're probably only trying to tell you to stop bugging them whilst maintaining their sweet mannerism. Don't seem too eager and be intelligent enough to take hints, even those cleverly disguised as jokes.

Most people think that just by cracking a few jokes here and there, they can slip in. Entering a group is not a piece of cake, you have to work hard on it.

Don't get decieved by ear-to ear smiles, they melt just as soon as you turn your head. You must be humble enough to accept that you're not always welcome. There are certain people in all groups, who are fiercely possesive about their friends. Their blood boils at the sight of a new comer fleeing away with one of their friends. That is the greatest sin one can commit in social life.

Its generally assumed that older friends have a greater right. But friendship is not directly related to time.

If you think people have started to accept you as part of their group, still don't take advantage. Never prolong your stay. But incase you catch a flying hint or a degrading remark about being a parasite...

Just flee.

Don't take part in any of their outside school plans unless you're asked, not once but many times. If you're asked once that means you're asked only for the sake of courtesy. Don't tell yourself not to be so negative all the time. There are reasons why we feel the need to be positive. Its when we are afraid to have our fears confirmed. Sometimes we stay positive because the reality is much too bitter. So do not look at the positive side, like all fools and eagerly accept the invitation. Think, give time to yourself. Go over all the possible meanings and read between the lines. Carefully note the exact words, tone, muffled sounds and general expression following the invitation.

If you feel that you're getting close with one of the group members, stop for a while.
Breath in and out. Try to foresee the consequnces if the friendship develops further. Put yourself in other peoples shoes and try to understand their fear of being abandoned or left. Don't stay there for too long because they'll be matters needing your attention in your shoes too.

Always remember to keep your ears open. Listen attentively and be modest. Be open, honest and don't backbite. Don't give out a big hearty laughter when someone's being rebuked, no matter how funny the situtaion is.

Be close but don't think that just because you're friends, you need to give out all your secrets as well. Confide in Allah and you'll never regret.

posted by Niqabi at 3:45 AM

4 Comments:

Unknown said...

" There are certain people in all groups, who are fiercely possesive about their friends. Their blood boils at the sight of a new comer fleeing away with one of their friends. That is the greatest sin one can commit in social life."

BINGO!

but you're young...there's still much to learn.

8:12 AM

Crazed Teacher said...

those are wise words niqi and you are absolutely right that is how it works here but have you stopped to think just for a moment that maybe the group is just like you joined together to form a solidarity which will not leave them all alone and without friends. yes people tend to back bite and all but that does not mean that you view the entire world throught tainted glasses. sometimes friends who you can just talk to give u more pleasure than friends you have to meet up with and keep a social appearance with. in a group where u have to think about all these things you should realise that you are not a part of it "a part yet apart" but u are just trying to fit in. u and i might be better friends than u or someone u think is ur friends. see the beauty here is that we cannot judge because we dont want to be judged, and its ur blog whine away if u want public or not judged or not its ur blog and if people cant handle it they shouldnt visit it. its ur expressions that make a blog if not that then what else? and dont worry even allah says that even if u tell99.9% to someone abt urself keep.1%for yourself :) live by this rule and youll always be happy coz even the best of friends have a way of throwing things back at u unless u dont have enuff info onthem to retaliate likewise.

8:22 PM

Anonymous said...

*claps and dances around*
u sound so wise and i love you!

3:22 AM

Anonymous said...

and i wish i could be there
but youre alone, and im here
people care and people lie
watch you, just, while you cry.

i can go on forever with this!
luvya

1:10 PM