Million Miles

My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

These days I'm trying to sit my life down and have an active argument with it. Its a hectic hobby but its reaping some benefits so I'm happy. The 18 years passed away in such a whirl that I can't even point the different between the years. Life just took place and went on, without any thoughtful interruptions . Some people came, talked and left a lasting impression. The fleeting moments are all that I remember.

When I was younger, things were simpler. Patterns were easier and predictable, there were no puzzles to solves, probably because I took everything my parents said, for gospel (figuratively speaking). The question of 'why' simply didn't exist. Neither was I too keen on contradicting. I thought I'll look up into the matter of negating later but for then the explanation was enough to satisfy me. It was because it was. How could it be otherwise, anyway? I considered my parents to be epitome of knowledge. I thought my father was a genius and often marvelled at the way he explained things to me, with carefully chosen examples that fitted in so well. Not that he's any less intelligent now but just that I seem to have different questions now. His words had depth or so I thought. When you're young, it doesn't take much for someone to appear intelligent. Big words and confusing theories are all that it takes. Theories that don't make sense to you then, but you still consider them to be sacred because they pose a challenge, which you feel incapable of taking. My father talked about so many things, linking them with one another and with so much ease, each word screaming out 'I've been there, I've seen it all'. And I was so sure that he'd have an answer to all my questions. He did have, to some extent. He did went through a similar experience and knows all the ups and downs that come with The Search. He was way too experimental with life compared to me. He took more risks than I will ever and he did succeed in finding something that is universal to him and helps him feed his spirituality. But one thing that no parents in the world understand is that their experiences and their life is in no way similar to ours. Their perspective on everything doesn't fit with us. In a society like ours, its getting harder to relate with ones parents. The frequently used phrase that ' we know whats best for you'...doesn't much sense to me then. Parents are, without doubt the most sincerest, loving and the most selfless people a child can ever have, but it doesn't mean that they enforce their views. It doesn't mean that they push you to believe in something. It doesn't mean that they ask you to adopt something that they found to be absolutely right. What they found on their own maybe works out for them but it doesn't neceassrily has to work out for you as well. It can, however, I'm not ruling out that possibility. Or maybe it will with the passage of time, if not now. But what if parents do leave their children to decide on their own and they only end up being completely immoral and off-the-track? Who is to blame then? Parents for giving the freedom to decide? Or children for choosing the wrong way? You can't win either way, unless you have sensible kids or wise parents. Which so few of us have. Yes, I think alot about raising my kids. Its seems like such a formidable task and a burden on my shoulders.

I've begun to understand that if there is something that bothers me, its only I who can truly do something about it. I'll have people telling me their views and theories all my life. They'll try to make me follow their version of truth but in the end its only me who has to strive for every question that ever arose in my tiny brain. And as much as it bothers me to have so many different, confusing realities, I'll have to take the risk and accept one of them as being right.

posted by Niqabi at 9:21 AM

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

You cud have done well if u had taken up literature. I know u dun agree with that :) and I'm always telling everyone that literature is the right way to go, atleast for most of us thinkers. But its only now, after a year and half of mind numbing lectures, that i realize how it helps u in enhancing your thot process.

The question you raise in the post is something that i've thot about too. Ive always wondered wen I become a parent, what wud I do? Ive also wondered how my parents can trust me so much, how can they so easily sometimes leave me on my discretion. I was amazed at how much my mom trusted me when she allowed me for the nightover at S's house, coz I have my doubts...wen I become a parent I might not let my daughter spend a night at someone's place who though she knows well, but I dont.

For myself I know I'd want my children to learn from my experiences, and when they would go on making the same mistakes that I made in life, just so they cud learn from their own experience. I know it wud hurt me to no limits. But I've found out one thing, in the long term what parents tell u is mostly right (atleast thats the case with my mom) ofcourse we dont choose to listen to them which again is very justified coz i believe that NO ONE LEARNS FROM OTHERS' EXPERIENCES. everyone has to make mistakes, have an experince of their own and then decide for himself what is right and wrong.

The only thing parents can do these days is to do the right 'tarbiyat'. To tell the children, in their developing age, which is mostly till 13, what is right and wrong according to our religion and follow and preach a deeni lifestyle. Afterwards they should trust Allah, pray for their children and Insha'Allah their children, because they wud have been brought up rightly, would choose the right paths for themselves.

The process is over simplified, I know, but atleast that is what I intend to do when I become a parent Insha'Allah.

11:43 PM