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My ventilator. Read, comment and judge me not.
   

Thursday, March 31, 2005

My maths teacher


I wrote this post the day before yesterday.


Life's rolling on and going. My life's like a treadmill track, ever been to a gym? Its a machine over which people walk as if there's going to be no tomorrow but still don't get anywhere. Poor peoeple. Anyway, so my life's like that track, same routine, same people, same benches and the same blondy crows! I'm not getting anywhere with this life. For a person like me, its the wrong sort of life.
Anyway, today was a not-so-ordinary day, though. Some poeple are really good at heart. I had no idea that people could be so considerate n sweet n caring n thoughtful ! That is something new. Besides that I've come to the conclusion, well I've drawn this conclusion a billion times before as well, but now its on the blog and hence official, that my maths teacher holds a gurdge against me.I don't know whats her blondy problem and I have no idea why would she choose me outav all the other equally talkative girls. But its horrible, its terrible and its insulting! She acts as if she's my rival. Imagine teacher-student rivalry! Obviously the student is completely helpless and she takes full advantage of this.
For instance, today she was acting exceptionally bishy. All of us that includes me, S and A were having our usual round of nonsensicle chat while doing the class work. She seemed pretty uninterested and I assumed that she doesn't mind the pointless chatter as long as you're working. Hence, we carried on. We would have carried on anyway but thats besides the point. S is a rather loud person and its a tad hard to 'shush' her but that works in my benefit because my voice always gets lost in her loudness. Despite S's booming voice and my almost inaudible talk, she conveniently chooses me to hear her sweet talk.. Vengeance, I call it. And I don't care if it appropriate here or not, I like its intensity. Anyway, today for a change she called out S's name 'loudly' and made her move to her chair, right at the front. I was soo happy for those 2 minutes. Life was good and I thought I'd have a look at the post card booklet I got from a friend. Its rather weird but when I was going through the pictures I could feel her eyes on me ! Cool, isn't it?. Khyr, she told me to close the book and I took no time in shoving it down, quietly hoping that it'll end there but knowing for a fact that it wouldn't. And it didn't ! I could only decipher bits of her speech, she said something about 'our group' and then something about me being 'extremely' talkative then something about taking us to the headmistress's office and making us do our work near the pots. Making any sense? It didn't to me either! And after that she laughed. Yes that mathilicious-sweet-but-devil-inside creature actually laughed ! And all I did was open a book.

She wouldn't leave even the smallest of things unnoticed if I'm involved. I hate her very much.


posted by Niqabi at 6:34 AM | 1 caw-ments

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The Moon decision


Written by: Hamzah M

*It was a dark and cloudless night. Two people were in charge of making one of the most important decisions of the year.*


Musa: Well...?
Imaad: I don't see anything.
Musa: How can you not see anything? You are a fool.
Imaad: Okay fine take the binoculars. LOOK for yourself.
Musa: Yeah you're right... I don't see anything either.
Imaad: Looks like no Eid tomorrow.
Musa: No way. I booked off work tomorrow and not Friday. Eid MUST be tomorrow. It has to be.
Imaad: What? Look man! Read 'em and weep! There is no moon!
Musa: No... we just can't see it. It's there. I know.
Imaad: WHAT? You have to SEE the moon in order for it to count.
Musa: Lalalalalalalalala I'm not listening Lalalalalala.
Imaad: Oh grow up, you're such a baby.
Musa: No you're the baby!
Imaad: Oooooh wah wah wah Eid must be tomorrow wah wah wah I can't book off work wah wah wah
Musa: Shut up!
Imaad: Make me... baby.
Musa: I could kick your butt whenver, wherever and however I want.
Imaad: Whatever. You're all talk and no action. It's no wonder you only got 8 votes while I got 11 for mosque president.
Musa: SHUT UP man I didn't know families are allowed to vote!
Imaad: Hahah stupid. Yeah man they are. You could have won with that gigantic family of yours. How many kids you got again? 6? 7?
Musa: 8 actually. Even I lose count sometimes lol.
Imaad: Did you just say lol?
Musa: Yeah.
Imaad: Well you better go home and tell your family there's no Eid. Just another ho-hum day.
Musa: Actually I already told my family it's Eid. My wife did all the cooking already.
Imaad: So why did you come out here tonight?
Musa: Oh to get a breath of fresh air.
Imaad: So you didn't care if you saw the moon or not... you were going to celebrate Eid tomorrow anyway?
Musa: Pretty much.
Imaad: Idiot.

*A mysterious figure emerges from the woods. It was man who was very short and balding. Most likely a doctor.*


Dr. Nasim: Good evening gentlemen.
Musa: What the? Dr. Nasim? Where'd you come from?
Dr. Nasim: That is besides the point ... the point is that I have some alarming news.
Imaad: Really? How alarming.
Dr. Nasim: EXTREMELY alarming.
Musa: Go ahead doc.
Dr. Nasim: Basically we can't see the moon from our location.
Imaad: Aha!
Musa: What! No way? Don't see you it? It's right there!
Imaad: That's not a moon you idiot, that's a jetplane.
Musa: Whatever. What makes you so sure there's no moon Doc?
Dr. Nasim: Elementary my dear Watson. It is scientifically impossible.
Musa: WHAT?
Dr. Nasim: It is scientifically impossible.
Musa: I heard what you said you fool.
Imaad: You can't argue with that man. Once its scientifically impossible you're screwed.
Musa: What if science is wrong?
Dr. Nasim: Well you are more than welcome to prove me wrong.
Musa: Yeah? You're more than welcome to shut up.
Imaad: Now Musa, that's not nice.
Musa: Hey I don't care. It's not Ramadan anymore. It's Eid. No more Mr. Nice Guy!
Imaad: But it's not Eid.
Musa: Lalalalalalalala
Dr. Nasim: It's okay Imaad. We'll celebrate on the right day.
Imaad: Well being Mosque President I shall put the date of Eid on Friday because there was no moon sighting.
Musa: I swear if I won you'd SO be praying on Thursday.
Imaad: Well Musa, the problem is... you lost.
Dr. Nasim: Elle oh elle.
Musa: Man, whatever. Fine I'll pray Friday I guess I have no choice but just know you guys are idiots.
Imaad: Well now that the decision is made, we can go home.

*Just before the three men were going to leave, another mysterious figure steps out of the woods*


Saudi Contact: Excuse me guys?
Musa: Who are you?
Saudi Contact: I'm the guy in the community who mysteriously has a lot of links to Saudi.
Imaad: Oh hey man.
Saudi Contact: 'sup 'sup
Musa: So what's the news?
Saudi Contact: Well I got word from the Saudi Government that we're praying on Thursday.
Imaad: WHAT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
Musa: Cha-ching. Jackpot.
Dr. Nasim: This is scientifically ridiculous. Saudi has zero percent chance of seeing the moon.
Saudi Contact: Not anymore.
Imaad: Well I guess I can't complain. After all... it's Saudi. I'm sure they're doing it for the right reason.
Saudi Contact: Actually it's because it's expensive to do two khutbahs on the same day (Juma) and since we're running out of oil we're trying to cut costs.
Musa: Oh that makes sense.
Imaad: Hmmm I don't agree with this. Since there's two for Thursday and two for Friday we're going to have to do the most logical thing.
Saudi Contact: And what's that?
Imaad: We'll have to flip a coin. Heads for Thursday. Tails for Friday.
Musa: I call Tails!
Imaad: You don't call it you idiot, it's already been set.
Musa: Fine.
Dr. Nasim: God help us all.

*Imaad flips the coin in the air*


Saudi Contact: What is it?
Imaad: Dammit... Heads. Eid on Thursday.
Musa: Cha-ching. Jackpot.
Dr. Nasim: Best two out of three!
Saudi Contact: No it is settled. Eid is settled.
Dr. Nasim: Imaad you fool. You're the president! Do something!
Imaad: I can't... the coin.
Dr. Nasim: This is scientifically stupid.
Saudi Contact: Shut up. Eid on Thursday. It's settled.
Dr. Nasim: But the moon!?
Musa: It's there. Don't you see?
Imaad: That's a jetplane again you idiot.
Saudi Contact: Well you saw something in the sky right? Good enough.
Dr. Nasim: But there is no moon?
Saudi Contact: You want a moon? HUH? Here it is.
...
Dr. Nasim: Oh my
Imaad: Ewwww
Musa: Hahah good one Saudi.


posted by Niqabi at 5:21 AM | 0 caw-ments

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Reply .


I cannot even start to make as much sense as my cousin ! She thinks alot, thats for sure. So do I though, but I never get down to organize the thoughts. Everything is there in my head, lying dormant, too cluttered to be put into use-basically useless.
When we were coming up with all kinds of rebellious theories, it was for fun, a desire to be different from others. But now after having spent a good 2 years following the theory, I've concluded a few other things as well. Firstly, everything we did then was a form of 'escapisim'. We couldn't go with the system not because it was faulty but becase we hated the comparison. It required too much and wasn't interesting. Finding ourselves a huge misfit practically everywhere we went was too stressful so we made our own league. Our own little world where we made all the rules and were not mere puppets controlled by the society. Ok this has gone a bit too serious.
Khyr what I want to convey eloquently is that not all what we thought or made up, is wrong. I mean ofcourse there must be some amount of goodness to be derived from it. Maybe we were too rigid about the rules or too critical about everything but it doesn't mean that we should simply dump this theory and move on. Maybe it did more harm than good but it can be modified. And modification would help alot. The thing is that the way everything is presented to us is revolting. We should dish out the good parts and ignore the bad ones. But we should still stick to our theory ! You can be a good obedient daughter, helping your mum around the house WITH your consent and still follow the TT-ism! What matters most is NOT to fake anything. Don't try to be something you're not. Having good akhlaaq is a quality, no matter which school of thought you follow and same goes with our theory. And ultimately its good akhlaaq that covers everything, this way you do things to please Allah SWT and NOT people.
About the don't-be-social part, that should be dropped too. But if you have good akhlaaq you'll obviously by kind and helpful to strangers as well so shouldn't mention this separetly. Infact, I think that let's stick with just one thing, forget all the rest. If we can love/please everyone only for the sake of Allah SWT , that'll be enough for us. I don't like the idea of being selectively generous or selectively loving/caring. Thats my ugliest personality trait, I think. So Chij, you can be close to your mum and you can make muffins for her as well, you can scrap partially unknown people and you can send smilies to oldies, you can do everything you want without feeling that you're breaking the rules because we've got new rules now ! But stick to your theories.


posted by Niqabi at 6:48 AM | 3 caw-ments

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Hellolooya!


Today's Thursday and its jst a matter of few days when we'll be chained to our school again.
No, I'm not 'eargerly' looking forward to it.
Infact, I loath the prospect of going back to school.
I hate it.
Okay, that was exaggerated.
Anyway even though the holidays had seemed long and mostly boring, there was never enough time to do the homework. But life's like that. There's nothing exceptionally exciting going on at the moment. Everyone is aimlessly wandering around the house or indulged in equally productive activities. I thought I'd rather churn out some nonsense here and then join them.
Well to start with, the mosquitoes are giving me a VERY hard time. They're not cooperating with us- at all ! Every single night since the past 5 days, as soon as I sit on the pc to do some blogging I'm met with extreme hostility from their side. Its next to impossible to avoid them because they're attracted to light and there is no way on earth I can use a pc with the monitor switched off ! Waving them away with your hands is also a futile effort, coz they're only going to strike again with greater force. If I could have it my way, I would pack them all into cattle carts and send them to Polish concentration camps. I only believe in the 'Final solution', you see.
In other news, our computer chair which is presently occupied by my bum has been washed. It has a cheap red cover and low quality grey-ish black plastic to go with it. It can also do a complete 360 with makes you go weeeeeeeee. And wee-ing helps to kill time, when you're bored outav your mind, waiting for someone to come online. Khyr, a few days ago my brother decided that it was too stain-laiden for our backs and washed it in our bathroom. He scrubbed it using the desi soap and after spending a good 30 minutes cleaning, he took it downstairs in the guest bed to dry. How..? Using fan air. After a 2-day absence, its now back in one piece, giving various odours. I've noticed this that everytime I use the chair my back reeks of some undefinaeble smell/fragrance and gets a bit...well wet. And its not at all a pleasant feeling. Later I figured out that my bro sprayed it with 'cigar' and now you can't use the chair without carrying out the fragrance stuck to your bum. This is very irritating !
I'm drowning in a sea of assignements, which I've not started. I can't even recall all the stuff I'm supposed to do for the holidays, well thats good for me. Ignorance is a bliss, eh? But bad memory is the BEST!! :P.
Blogging is getting boring, isn't it? I find it so, anyway. Not that life is getting busier and I don't find the time but because I've run outav ideas! Its a strain on my nerves to write about something which is not-so-personal and has no traces of whinism. Though you'd strongly disagree because I'm forever whining about stinky feet, homework, friends, school, life in general, life in particular, bakraas and now mosquitoes, lol and there is more to come.
Weather is fine. I honestly don't have ANY complaints against it for once. Its getting hotter, true but its been so kind to us since the past two months that now even if its bright red hot sunny weather for weeks, I'd bear it happily. I should really stop here, talking about weather for long on a blog is not a good sign. I should go and have a life. Yes.

I'll write more when I come across something relatively less boring.

-salaams.


posted by Niqabi at 7:32 AM | 1 caw-ments

Monday, March 21, 2005


Hmm...

I'm not really sure what to say.
I think I'll take a leave from blogging for a while. Yes, viewing the present situation that'd be the best thing to do. Not that I'm sitting here glumly, contemplating suicide or anything, I just feel I need to take a break from everything. Corridow-show you should follow my lead and defer your blogging as well.

salams.


posted by Niqabi at 6:50 AM | 5 caw-ments

Friday, March 18, 2005


I got so happy for a fleeting moment but then I realised we're not going to India so what's the point?

By the way, they're bussing away tomorrow at 5 am...without us. End of story.

NO MORE WHINING !


posted by Niqabi at 6:41 AM | 4 caw-ments

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Online marriage


Written by Hamzah M

I got this off a website referred to me by a friend.

I'm getting married *screams* : aa
Abdul: wa
I'm getting married *screams* : what's going on?
Abdul: nothing much.
I'm getting married *screams* : did u get any word on the banquet hall?
Abdul: ugh
Abdul: i tried everywhere ayesha and every place was so expensive
I'm getting married *screams* : OMG!!!
I'm getting married *screams* : abdul!!
Abdul:
I'm getting married *screams* : do you know much it sucks to wait! we've been waiting to get this nikkah done for months!
Abdul: sorry
I'm getting married *screams* : omg this is retarted
Abdul: *retarded
I'm getting married *screams* : shut upp
Abdul: are you mad at me?
I'm getting married *screams* : maybe
Abdul: Well I have an idea (i)
I'm getting married *screams* : oh this will be good
Abdul: we can have an online nikkah
I'm getting married *screams* : a what?!
Abdul: yeah! it should be easy to do. i think everyone we need is online right now. let's get it done!
I'm getting married *screams* : oh wow
Abdul: come on, i'm sinning right now just typing to you. let's nikkah this thing asap!
I'm getting married *screams* : arright arright lemme call my abbu and tell him the story... that u r being stingy and don't want to book a banquet hall and just want to do it online lolzz
Abdul: lol
I'm getting married *screams* : brb
Abdul: k

I'm getting married *screams* : omg my dad agrees haha
Abdul: hahah i knew it. we're sooo stereotypical memons eh
I'm getting married *screams* : yeah lolz
I'm getting married *screams* : ok now what
Abdul: well i jsut explained to imam saab our ordeal. he has agreed to perform the nikkah
Abdul: *just
I'm getting married *screams* : phew

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: Salam Imam.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : wut da
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : hu added me?!1
Abdul: Imam it was me. i talked to you about it in the other window remember?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : oh yeah
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : do u no da hole ish?
Abdul: sorry?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : fiqh man
I'm getting married *screams* : imam i dont think u should substtute that as a curse word
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : wha?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : no no i meant the fiqh of a nikkah.
Abdul: oh
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : hah yeah my bad.
Abdul: hmmm i know the basics.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : no worries ill talk u threw it k?
Abdul: k
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : first thing iz we need yo hunny bunny 2 leave da chat window
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : then we be needin her pops yknow wha im sayin?
Abdul: so she has to leave and bring her dad in?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : str8 up
Abdul: ok you got that ayesha? stay online but leave the window. and tell your dad to get online. i think he's on my list for some reason.
I'm getting married *screams* : lolz my dad? he doesnt use msn 2 much. arright ill let him know.

I'm getting married *screams* has left the conversation.

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : so where'd u 2 meet?
Abdul: oh u know. she liked to view my naseeb journal and i liked her profile. a few salams and some private messages later it turned into a full blown fest on MSN
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aww man astagfirullah
Abdul: I know. thats why we're doing this nikkah.
Abdul: nice her dad is on

dr. khan (phd) has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: salams uncle
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" :
dr. khan (phd): haalo?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : duz da pops no da dillio?
dr. khan (phd): ajeeb
Abdul: hahah uncle i invited you in... you have to be part of the nikah.
Abdul: basically you are speaking on behalf of Ayesha
Abdul: you there uncle?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : damn dis nigga types slow. itz been saying "dr. khan (phd) is typing a message" for ages.
dr. khan (phd): Yes I Am Here.
dr. khan (phd): Please Hurry.
dr. khan (phd): Chai Is Almost Ready.
Abdul: lol
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL wut a playa
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : anyhoo letz git dis sho on da road
Abdul: okay.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : arright first ting ... u 2 mofos agreed to get hitch'd yeh? none of dis wuz forced?
Abdul: yeah... it was all us.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight ... u have seen her b4 yeh? its good to no what she lookz like
Abdul: yeah she sent me a pic of her
dr. khan (phd): Ahh??
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : UH OH ... busted! lol
Abdul: no no she had hijab on its all good.
dr. khan (phd):
Abdul: heh.
Abdul: yeah.
Abdul: hey imam you there?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : a/s/l?
Abdul: WHAT?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : oh sorry man rong window lol
Abdul: imam! hahah. i thought you were married!
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : I am. slots #2, #3, #4 still open
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : heh just remember u 2 dawgs arent like hitched yet aight. dont get hanky panky yet till we r done aight?
Abdul: k
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight aight. we need 2 witnesses. 1 dawg & 2 dawgettes or 2 dawgs. either way man.
Abdul: I got two guys that aren't doing anything. They've already changed their screen name so they're all set.

Witness #1 has been added to the conversation.
witness #2 has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: sup gentlemen
witness #2: awwww man i didn't know his name would be capitalized.
Witness #1: Waita go idiot.
witness #2: stfu
Abdul: Guys! we have an imam present! and an uncle!
Witness #1: oh sorry.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : no worries dawg. inshallah that wont happen again ya hear?
Witness #1:
dr. khan (phd): Be Right Back. I'm getting my chai.
witness #2: WTF? the uncle is getting tea now!?
Abdul: well we can't really do anything until he gets back.
witness #2: dude omg omg. i got an exam tomorrow. WHO THE HELL DOES A NIKKAH ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT?
Abdul: listen man you two were the only people on my list that were online so i asked you two to be the witnesses okay?
Witness #1: pipe down witness #2.
witness #2: i swear if i fail orgo tomorrow then your marriage will officially suck.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : yo dawg chill
dr. khan (phd): I am back. Let's begin.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight aight. we gotz da wallee in the hizouse.
witness #2: what is that
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : a walee is like the wife's dawg y'know? a guardian.
witness #2: oh
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : next up is two witnesses.
Witness #1: yeah i'm here.
witness #2: same
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : i take it u both are dawgs
Witness #1: as opposed to?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : dawgettes.
Witness #1: ummm yeah i'm male.
witness #2: ^ you sure fooled me.
Abdul: lol
witness #2: lol
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL OWNED
Witness #1:
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight aight. yo dr.k u dere?
dr. khan (phd): Yes I Am Here.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : dawg u type funnie man.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : Abdullizo u gave yo hunny bunny the dowry right
Abdul: ummm i gave her some
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : good enuf. wut was da amount
Abdul: i basically just pasted 786 times in her window.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : lol dude that 786 ting is wacked
Witness #1: yeah but it's easy to hack into any paki's e-mail account. there's always a 786 in there somewhere.
witness #2: hey! it was you!
Abdul: shut up guys i'm trying to get married
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : ok dr.k.
dr. khan (phd): Yes?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : i need u to repeat this: "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for ______ to marry my daughter ______ for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs."
dr. khan (phd): I Have To Write This Whole Thing Out?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : naw dawg. just copy paste it.
dr. khan (phd): "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for ______ to marry my daughter ______ for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs."
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : naw dawg naw
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : u gotta fill in da blanks with bride and grooms name k

dr. khan (phd): OK
dr. khan (phd): "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for Ayesha Khan to marry my daughter Abdul for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs."
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : close. u just got it backwards lol.
dr. khan (phd): lol
dr. khan (phd): "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for Abdul to marry my daughter Ayesha Khan for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two kutai."
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : bam. str8 up gold
Abdul: now what?
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : well itz da sunnah to da a khutbah but i cant do 1 right now
witness #2: good I gotta study
Witness #1: Shut up witness #2.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : so we just cut to me askin yo suga muffin if she accepts aight
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k abdul. get outta here so we can invite her.
Abdul: arright.

Abdul has left the conversation.
I'm getting married *screams* has been added to the conversation.

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : yo sup ayesha
I'm getting married *screams* : sup
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k we need yo permission to be da wife of the Abdullizo.
I'm getting married *screams* : lol
witness #2: what does that mean????
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : good enuf
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : now ged outta here so we can finis dis shiz

I'm getting married *screams* has left the conversation.
Abdul has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: what happened?
witness #2: she said no.
Abdul: !!
witness #2: jokes
Witness #1: lol
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL
dr. khan (phd): hahaha
Abdul: ugh
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k now 4 da grand finale

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has left the conversation.

Abdul: what the hell!?
witness #2: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Witness #1: best wedding ever.

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has been added to the conversation.

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : sorry dawgs. got d/c
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : abdullizo, do u accept Ayesha Khan as u r wife for 786 blings?
Abdul: I accept.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : more.
Abdul: errr... I accept Ayesha as my wife.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : bam. str8 up gold.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : did da uncle n witnesses c it?
dr. khan (phd): Yes I did.
Witness #1:
witness #2:
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k u n ayesha r officially married.
Abdul: yes!

I'm getting married *screams* has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: hey Ayesha. change your screen-name! we did it!
I GOT married *screams* : lol
witness #2: finally. congrats. i'm out. ws

witness #2 has left the conversation.

Witness #1: congrats.
Witness #1: may Allah (SWT) bless your marriage.

Witness #1 has left the conversation.

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : waita go playa.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : now to show da otha window sum love ws
Abdul: Jazakallah Imam.
The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : np

The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has left the conversation.

Abdul: alone! finally!
I GOT married *screams* : not quite.
dr. khan (phd): Ayesha:
I GOT married *screams* : yes abbu?
dr. khan (phd): Congratulations. I love you. Once you are done with this chat please come downstairs to clean the kitchen. Khudahafiz.

dr. khan (phd) has left the conversation.

I GOT married *screams* : lol he could have just shouted. i'm only a floor above him.
Abdul: so now what?
I GOT married *screams* : oh ... you know


posted by Niqabi at 7:16 AM | 3 caw-ments

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Usual Gossip


The Usual Gossip

*Syed and Fatima work furiously on a Biology assignment in the group study area of the School Library*

Syed: So have you finished the assignment?
Fatima: Not yet uffff.
Syed: Hey no worries, we’ll get it done inshAllah.
Fatima: I hope so… I’m doing terrible in this class.
Syed: Hang in here Fatty, hang in there.
Fatima: Please don’t call me Fatty in public.
Syed: Sorry.
Fatima: Ah it’s okay. You’ve been helping me this entire year and I appreciate it.

*A random sister named Zainab walks up to them*

Zainab: Assalamu Alaikum
Syed: Wasalams
Fatima: Wasalaikumu Asalam
Zainab: Ummm … I’ll talk to you later Fatima.

*Zainab leaves and walks to her locker. Balqees approaches her. *

Balqees: Salam
Zainab: Oh my gyad! Guess what!
Balqees: What??
Zainab: I just saw Syed and Fatima in the library.
Balqees: So?
Zainab: Together! Alone!
Balqees: OMG
Zainab: I know! *squeels*
Balqees: Those two are ALWAYS together.
Zainab: I KNOW!
Balqees: Well thanks for the news. I have to go to class.

*Balqees leaves and heads to her class. She is stopped in the halls by another sister.*

Haifa: Hey Balqees!
Balqees: Haifa!! *squeels*
Haifa: Wow you look awfully happy today.
Balqees: I got the biggest news story ever!
Haifa: *screams* REALLY? WHAT IS IT?
Balqees: Well do you know Syed?
Haifa: Oh that cute guy who always gives the athaan?
Balqees: YEAH! Well I heard that he likes Fatima!
Haifa: NO WAY!
Balqees: YEAH! It's sooooo cute.
Haifa: Awwwww
Balqees: Well I have to go to class. Wasalam!

*Balqees leaves. Haifa stands in the middle of the hall, thinking to herself. She is approached by another random sister.*

Haifa: Oh hey Yas!
Yasmeen: Salam Haif! What’s up?
Haifa: Just standing around.
Yasmeen: Oh I like doing that too. What are you thinking about?
Haifa: What to wear for… oh oop!
Yasmeen: Oop what?
Haifa: I’m not sure if I was supposed to say … I think it’s a secret.
Yasmeen: Oh come on!
Haifa: Arright I’ll tell you! But promise not to tell anyone!
Yasmeen: I pinky square it.
Haifa: Okay well I was thinking what I should wear to…
Yasmeen: YEAH?
Haifa: SYED AND FATIMA’S ENGAGEMENT PARTY
Yasmeen: Oh my gaaaaaad. NO WAY.
Haifa: YES.
Yasmeen: When? When?
Haifa: I don’t know but I’ll keep you updated.
Yasmeen: WOW this is amazing. I have to go home. Talk to ya later Haifs. Salams

*Yasmeen walks towards the bus stop but is stopped by another sister*

Yasmeen: Oops, excuse me.
Salma: Hah, almost ran passed me did you girlie?
Yasmeen: LOL omg Salma didn’t see you there.
Salma: Why are you smiling?
Yasmeen: Oh for no reason.
Salma: Oh come on there’s a reason!
Yasmeen: Okay but promise not to tell ANYONE. Like really.
Salma: I promise. Teehee.
Yasmeen: Okay… well. SYED AND FATIMA are MARRIED.
Salma: WHAT?
Yasmeen: YEAH! They did one of those online nikkahs!
Salma: Are those even legal?
Yasmeen: Maybe…maybe not. But either way they’re hitched.
Salma: So that’s why they’re always together.
Yasmeen: Yeah we should be receiving Walima invitations soon. What to wear?
Salma: *giggle* I already know what hijab I’m wearing hahaha.
Yasmeen: *giggle*
Salma: Okay well I better go study. Ciao.

* Salma leaves and heads to the library. She spots Syed and Fatima. *

Salma: Hey guys
Syed: What’s up?
Salma: Just wanted to send my congratulations. LOL *giggle*

* Salma leaves*

Fatima: Congratulations for WHAT?
Syed: I’m not entirely sure. Maybe they’re happy that Mom’s feeling better?


posted by Niqabi at 6:10 AM | 3 caw-ments

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


Blue days.
Retarded sun.
Uncivilised crows.
Zipped lips.
Peaceful toilets.
Get lost and shut up.
And no please, I'm not in love.
Yes, I don't want to marry either.
Yes, that includes kids as well.
A moron-in-law too.



What a wonderful life...

Farewell.


posted by Niqabi at 8:14 AM | 0 caw-ments

Sunday, March 13, 2005


There's nothing more peaceful than a sleeping child.
 Posted by Hello


posted by Niqabi at 10:21 AM | 1 caw-ments

Lies


* It's only a cold sore.

* Trust me, I'll take care of everything.

* Of course I love you.

* ...but we can still be good friends.

* I'll call you later.

* I've never done anything like this before.

* Now, I'm going to tell you the truth.

* I *love* your new _____!

* Yes, I did.

* Don't worry, it's OK .

* I'll always be there for you.

* Its only a phase, you'll get over it.


posted by Niqabi at 10:03 AM | 2 caw-ments

Friday, March 11, 2005


I'm so tired and sleepy and its 1:56 am and I have a sociology class tomorrow and I have to BE in class by 7:45 am and I have homework to do too and although I enjoyed loads at Em Tiddi's sister's mehndi, right now I can kill someone for some unfathomable reason. Bye.


posted by Niqabi at 12:55 PM | 2 caw-ments

Thursday, March 10, 2005


I've been thinking alot lately when I should be studying and I came up with the following

-If we altogether stop whining, wouldn't things take a turn for the better? Is whining any good? Is there a single element of satisfaction to be derived from it? Does this sound too philosophical to comprehend?

-No matter how much we say that we don't care, by the end of the day we're all shamefully concerned about everything. Its just sometimes that we choose to play it down.

-Arguments make my head go hot and horrid.
-Some people are plain stone mad and impossible to reason with.
-Gathering together your own dented pride is the hardest thing on earth.
-Striking up a conversation with a person you strongly dislike is also the hardest thing on earth.
-When I'm around certain people I feel stiff and humourless.
-Misfortunes never come singly.
-My whole body rises in revolt when I'm asked to clean the kitchen and dress up.
-Even after carefully weighing the difficulties and risks, I always end up making the wrong decision.
-Sometimes I want to crawl away and die of embarassment.
-Some people grab every opportunity on earth to look down on you.
-I feel relieved after letting out a sighing roar of exasperation.
-I'm mildy surprised and utterly shocked to know that I'm a huge misfit everywhere :P
-I'm sick of making theories about everything, sometimes they get more complex than the problem itself.
-Some people are so clean, you could eat your dinner off their shoes.
-Madiha shauket's talk is some big shows of hands.
-Waves of disgust have been washing over me very often now.
-I would love to see the humourous side of depression.
-It is aweful and completely unsophisticated of her to ask us to stand on the chairs, teacher or no teacher.
-The possibility of killing my maths teacher crossed my mind, but only fleetingly.
-Sometimes I feel a surge of sympathy for the school sweepers, they'r continously being hauled over the coals by me for turning up at the wrong time, at the wrong place.
-I felt a momentary pang after recieving my sociology quiz's result.Quite an enlightening experience it was.
-Waking up early on Saturdays to attend school is a form of self-infliction.
-Do you know I should be at school right now?
-I feel selfish writing about myself.
-Shaha will you please caw-ment?
-For Em Tiddi:
*pat on the back
*jelly bottles/bears/Os
*I know, I know.
-Chij bachee, white poles are no good hug companions.

salams.


posted by Niqabi at 11:56 PM | 6 caw-ments

Tuesday, March 08, 2005


My cousin wrote this scrap during our economics class:

"Bhook-fear that pait will produce awaz"

And I laughed my niqab off, quiet literally.


posted by Niqabi at 6:58 AM | 5 caw-ments

Monday, March 07, 2005


"Girls I hear you moaning sometimes that you have a difficult time at home. Who's doing this to you? Another woman most of the time - your mums. It's a vicious circle and there will never be an end to it. "
--Daunkey Falooda.

And I just realised that bahu(moron-disguised-as-a-daughter-in-law) and bhau(sound of a doggie dear barking) do kinda rhyme. Well I'm not surprised, anyway. Beauty is in the mouth of speaker.


posted by Niqabi at 6:17 AM | 4 caw-ments

Sunday, March 06, 2005


A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders! There are some good ones, and their insights may surprise you.

1. Better to be safe than..............................punch a 5th grader
2. Strike while the........................................bug is close
3. It's always darkest before.........................Daylight Savings Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of..............termites
5. You can lead a horse to water but..............how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...........................looks dirty
7. No news is..............................................impossible
8. A miss is as good as a.............................Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new.................math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...............stink in the morning
11. Love all, trust........................................me
12. The pen is mightier than the...................pigs
13. An idle mind is......................................the best way to relax
14. Where there's smoke there's..................pollution
15. Happy the bride who..............................gets all the presents
16. A penny saved is...................................not much
17. Two's company, three's..........................the Musketeers
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what................you put on to go to bed
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...... you have to blow your nose
20. There are none so blind as......................Stevie Wonder
21. Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded
22. If at first you don't succeed.....................get new batteries
23. You get out of something only what you....see in the picture on the box
24. When the blind leadeth the blind..............get out of the way
25. And the favorite : Better late than............ pregnant


posted by Niqabi at 5:29 AM | 5 caw-ments

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Indicators of normal adolescence


Indicators of being on a "normal" course of moral development:

1. Obsessive concern for bodily appearance
2. Fear of abandonment expressed as assertion of independence
3. Desire to be different in terms of "fads"
4. Sexual desire and manipulativeness
5. Wanting to be like other races or cultures
6. Persistent wisecracking as long as it's witty
7. Obsessive desire for success and recognition
8. Lack of self-identity or distinct self-concept
9. Emotional extremes expressed as sensitivity to criticism


posted by Niqabi at 7:37 AM | 2 caw-ments

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

What I love.


I love

* Cotton swabs
* My three safety pins
* Nail polishes (for sniffing)
* Phupos
* Letters
* Envelopes
* Written scraps
* Laminations
* Buddy alerts
* Unexpected emails
* Expected too
* Replies
* Post offices
* Petrol
* Maids , esp Fazeelat and Choti
* Sky without sun
* Winter breath
* Scars
* Bubble writing
* Product codes
* kisses (on ears aunly)
* to stand on the sea-saw
* to scare little girls by bhow-ing( if you know what that means)
* to wave at people I don't know
* to see the crow crap someones clothes
* to encircle my wounds and make smilies on them
* to use folded wrappers as mobile phones
* to make resolves
* to sit in the bus and dream of going to India.
* to give full marks to everyone and everything, markable or not.
* to ask people whether their grandparents are from India or not
* to hit people on their bum when they bend or don't
* to take warmth from peoples' necks as in...no no not the way you're thinking!
* to give alm-onds to the poor
* and medicines too
* to write niqabified
* to delay my homework
* to regret for not doing it a lil earlier
* to keep delaying it and not learn any lesson
* to chew paper
* to spit it out in the desired direction
* to see people sleep talking
* to eat toothpaste
* to see milk gushing down the sink
* to vaselinify my eyebrows
* to be with my cousin and yes you. YOU !



Happy everyone?


posted by Niqabi at 6:28 AM | 7 caw-ments
   Profile
Name: Niqabi
Location: Lahore, Pakistan
Occupation: Housewife
Religion: Islam
Interests: World War II, Jews, Hebrew, ancient sites, Muslim rule in Spain, revolutions, Vatican city and Islamic literature.
Books: The black album, Portofino, Ladies coupe, In beautiful disguises, The buddhist of Suburbia, The hidden life of Otto Frank.
Contact: niqabified [at] gmail [dot] com
Quote: "We plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners"


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